O HOMO SAP. PENSA NO TEMPO POIS NELE SE ESCOA A EXISTÊNCIA APESAR DA VIRTUALIDADE DO TEMPO ELE OU ELA DRENA A VIDA HUMANA E MESMO A NÃO HUMANA É O TEMPO QUE ANULA AS EXISTÊNCIAS FINITAS DE TODAS AS COUSAS DESDE AS ESTRELAS AOS DEUSES...ASSI O TEMPO NÃO SE GANHA NEM SE PERDE ....TIME LOST OR TIME GAIN IT'S MORONIC NADA DE VÁLIDO OU INVÁLIDO SE FAZ NO TEMPO NÓS EXISTIMOS NELE E APARENTEMENTE ELE PARECE PASSAR...E AO DEIXARMOS DE EXISTIR O TEMPO DEIXA DE EXISTIR PARA NÓS...PODEMOS TER TIDO UMA ÁRDUA OU FÁCIL EXISTÊNCIA MAS O TEMPO TERIA PARECIDO ESCOAR-SE NA MESMA 10 ANOS EM COMA TERIAM SIDO 10 ANOS APESAR DE PARECER 1 OU 100....NUM ADIANTA DIZER O QUE SE PODIA TER FEITO COM O TEMPO ESTA TEORIA É PESSIMISTA COMO O TEMPO ...HOJE POR ACASO NÃO CHOVEU O ANO DE 1992 ESTÁ SENDO SECO EM PORTUGAL E ATÉ FAZEM PROCISSÕES POR AQUI THE RAIN IT'S NOT LIKE IN SPAIN...DOCTOR DOOLITLE

MINORIAS ...TODO O HOMEM É UMA 

MINORIA OS JANADOS JAMAICANOS 

DESPREZAM OS HAITIANOS 

MAS DENTRO DO PRÉDIO DE 10 PISOS

OS JAMAICANOS DO 2º DETESTAM OS 

DO 3º E OS DO 4º DETESTAM OS 

HÁBITOS DE LIMPEZA DOS JAMAICANOS

DO 5º TODO O HOMEM É UMA 

MINORIA PERANTE A MASSA BRUTA 

DES AUTRES 

OS ESTRANHOS DAS ESTRANHAS 

MANIAS 

AQUELES QUE DIFEREM DE NÓS 

SE SOMOS ESTRANHOS A NÓS MESMOS 

COMO HAVERIAMOS DE COMPREENDER 

OS OUTROS

WHY YOU JOIN THE ARMY BOY....

TO KILL PEOPLE SIRE.....

BLACK ADDER I S'POSE....

O HOMEM É UM PSICOPATA 

E É VERO TODOS NÓS SOMOS PSICO'S

PORQUÊ?

AH ISSO YO NO LO SEY

CREO QUE ES LA MALDADE GENÉTICA 

VON BRADBURY....

PODER REDUTOR DO ÁCIDO ASCÓRBICO

FACILMENTE OXIDÁVEL RETIRA O2 

A TUTTI CORPUS 

DIGA SIM AO STUPID PHONE DIGA NÃO AO GET SMART.....2001 RECEITA PARA O MEDO E O DISCURSO DO MEDO É VELHO COMO OS MEDOS E PERSAS E GREGOS E OUTROS TANSOS ...A GUERRA CONTRA A FALTA DE CLIENTES NAS FÁBRICAS DE ARMAMENTO COMEÇOU ....O DISCURSO DO MEDO É DE TODOS E CHEGA A TODOS ...TODOS SE RELACIONAM COM ELE ...BIN LADEN DIZ QUE OS US OF A ESTÃO A DESTRUIR O ESTADO WAHABITA DE LABITA QUE COEXISTE COM AS RESTANTES DITADURAS MAIS PERMISSIVAS DO MUNDO ÁRABE ....BUSH LÊ UM DISCURSO ONDE SE TENTA ACERTAR NUM INIMIGO VAGO QUE O AMERICAN WAY OF LIFE E A CIA CRIARAM E NÃO SOUBERAM DESMONTAR ....E OBVIAMENTE CEDO OU TARDE O DISCURSO DO MEDO .....CORRENTES FRIAS JUNTO ÀS COSTAS OCIDENTAIS DOS CONTINENTES SERÃO ALTERADAS NO INÍCIO DO SÉCULO XXI ? AUMENTARÃO OU DIMINUIRÃO DE INTENSIDADE AS CORRENTES AÉREAS FRIAS E SECAS E DIMINUIRÁ A PRECIPITAÇÃO ???? NOS DESERTOS LITORAIS ALENTEJO INCLUIDO E JÁ AGORA TODO O SUL E CENTRO DE PORTUGAL .....INSTABILIDADE DO VORTEX POLAR PROVOCARÁ TEMPESTADES INVERNAIS NO MAR DO NORTE COMO NOS ANOS 50 NA HOLANDA?? A PÉ JAMÉ DE AUTOCARRO SEMPRE.....PEANUT BUTTER PEANUTS NUTS OF ALL KINDS PEA NUT'S ONLY NUT'S AND PEAS (NUT'S MESMO,,,,,,) ALGURES NO FIM DO SÉCULO PASSADO SAUL OU SAULO OU MESMO PAULO J,J.PIMENTA ... BELTRAN SANTOS DE REGUENGOS DE MONSARAZ ENVIA UM LIVRO COM DEDICATÓRIA A UM TAL OU UMA TAL DE Z'E (MARIA?) BEZERRA ....SE BEZERRA ERA MACHO OU VASCUS DA GAMA FEMINIL NUM SE SABE AS FRASES NO LIVRO SOMAM ASSIS : AMO-TE.....BEZERRA.....H(U?)MMMM SERÁ? - É MESMO .....- BEZERRA ....EU SEY QUE NÃO SENTES O MESMO MAS EU SINTO

COUSAS QUE OS ALUNOS E ALUNAS PERDERAM...BOLAS SALTITONAS ......O CARALHO DO MEU EX....FAMILIARES VÁRIOS .......A ID....IDENTIFICAÇÃO? TELEMÓVEL CHAVES ....
A MINHA VIDA ANTIGA...

COUSAS DE QUE TÊM MEDO....O PROF DE VISUAL ...A GAJA DE INGLÊS .....A MOLDAVA DO CASACO DE COURO VERMELHO (ERA MAIS PRÓ CASTANHO...
DE ONDE O K....QUER METER O....K....
(ESTA É MAIS AMBÍGUA)
DO TERRORISMO DA VIOLÊNCIA
DAS PESSOAS ESTÚPIDAS
DA FOME...
DO FUTURO
DAS LEMBRANÇAS DO PASSADO

COUSAS MUY IMPORTANTES PARA OS DITOS CUJOS:
EU SOU MUITO IMPORTANTE PARA MIM
(DENOTA O EGOTISMO VASCUS GAMITA SODOMITA GOMORRITA DOS ADOLESCENTES DOS 12 AOS 99....)

O QUE QUERIAS TER:
UMA BRASILEIRA COMO O PINTO DA COSTA
AMIGOS VERDADEIROS
FAMÍLIA COMO AS OUTRAS
DINHEIRO, MOTO, CARRO, SMARTPHONE

OUÇAM IMBECIS DIZ O PROF...BATENDO FORTEMENTE NA MESA COM O PUNHO COM SOQUEIRA DE METAL NÃO MEXAM NO CU DA MARTA ,,,,OS DIÁLOGOS SÃO MUY DIFÍCEIS DE TRANSCREVER EMBORA FALEM ALENTJANUS PADRÃO DOS ANOS 80 NA CAPITAL DO MÉDIO ALENTEJO HOJE CONHECIDA POR EREMITÉRIO DE NOSSO SOCRATES ...NESTA AGE JÁ MUY DEPRIMIDA MORRÊ JÁ CUSTA E INDA QUEREM QU'A JENTE TENHA DE MORRÊ PUR ALGUMA COUSA ORA MORRÊ PLA PÁTRIA ESTÁ FORA DE MODA E ALÉM DISSO É MACHISTA ...COMO DIZIA O PESSOAL DO S.M.O. QUE AFINFA NO CU DA MARTA E DAS AMIGAS DA MARTA DOS 11 AOS 16 POR UNS ESCASSOS 500 PAUS OU MÉLRÉIS OU O QUE PASSA POR DINHEIRO NOS TEMPOS DO SOARISTÃO DEPRESSÃO BOLSA NA MÃO DO BALSEMÃO Ó MÊ FURRIEL CÊ TÁ MARADO MORRER P'LA QUÊ? FOGE....PÁTRIA? ISTO? O MÊ FURRIEL DEVE TER LEVADO UMA TROMBADA NOS CORNOS ...O FURRIEL SAI DE TROMBAS E VINGA-SE REPARTINDO A MARTA COM UM CAPITÃO QUE ASPIRA AO CORONELATO OU AO CORNOLATUS UMA DESSAS E A MARTA PRA LEVAR DE DUE DI DUE ATÉ TEM DIREITO A UMA PIZZA NO CENTRO COMERCIAL ACABADINHO DE LEVANTAR ....EMBORA PAREÇA ESTAR EM RUÍNAS ...DO PROGRESSO CULTURAL-SEXUAL NO ALENTEJÃO PROFUNDIS OS SALESIANOS SÃO O EQUIVALENTE CASAPIANO OU CASA DO GAIATO NA PROSTITUIÇÃO INFANTO-JUVENIL MAS TÊM MUITA COMPETIÇÃO DE TODAS AS INSTITUIÇÕES DE ENSINO....DIZ O ZÉ DAS ALCÁÇOVAS QUE ESTAVA A PARTILHAR O REMEXER NO CU DA MARTA A DA SABEL COM OTROS QUATRI ....OLHA-ME ESTE SE CALHAR QUER O CU SÓ PRA ELE......O QUE É UM INSULTO AO PROFESSOR POIS ELE PREFERE OS CUS DOS QUATRO QUE APALPAM O CU DA MARTA ....

UM VELHOTE SAIU DAS PRISAS QUE 

ABRIL ABRIU EM 1982......UM POUCO 

TARDIO MAS NÃO ERA PRESO POLÍTICO

ERA SÓ CONTRABANDISTA DA FOME

DIZ ELE ...DINHEIRO? ISTO?

ORA QUANDO ENTREI NA CHOLDRA

COM 5$00 ALMOÇAVA-SE 

AGORA NEM COM 100$00 E UMA PESSOA 

ARRISCA-SE A SER ATROPELADO 

SE SAI PRÁ RUA ...

DANTES EM 1950 E TAL SÓ HAVIA A 

CAMIONETA DA CARREIRA E UNS 20 

OU TRINTA CARROS DENTRO DO CENTRO

DA CIDADE UMAS LAMBRETAS 

UMAS VESPAS MUITA BICICLETA

PODIA-SE ERA SER APANHADO POR UMA 

CARROÇA OU POR UMA MULA EM FUGA 

AGORA O CHEIRO DESTA MERDA DE 

CARROS 

E ESTA MOEDA DE MERDA....

QUÉQUEQUEREM QUEU FAÇA COM 100 

UMA PETISCADA DE FOME?

E A VELOCIDADE A QUE ELES ANDAM

A CIDADE É DELES....

ORA SALAZAR JÁ SE FOI E COMEÇAMOS COM O LIVRO DA TERCEIRA CLASSE 4ªEDIÇÃO IMPRESSO EM 1972 PAPELARIA FERNANDES A PAPELARIA DO REGIME 27$50..1/50 AVOS DA MASSA SALARIAL DA MADRE....MEIA NOITE SE LEVANTA O FRANCÊS (LEVANTA-SE TARDE,,,) SABE DAS HORAS NÃO SABE DO MÊS ....USA UMA SERRA NÃO É CARPINTEIRO...USA UM PICÃO E NÃO É PEDREIRO USA ESPORAS NÃO É CAVALEIRO...ESCAVA NO CHÃO NÃO ACHA DINHEIRO...O GALO GAULOIS ..PETRÓLEO BRUTO ISENTO DE GÁS E ÁGUA É O CHAMADO PETRÓLEO CRU ....ANTES DE REFINADO...E COZINHADO PARAFINAS 15% DO PESO PETRÓLEO DE TIPO PARAFÍNICO UMA REFINARIA PROJECTADA PARA PETRÓLEO NAFTÉNICO OU AROMÁTICO NÃO TRABALHARÁ COM PARAFÍNICOS AS GRANDES REFINARIAS RECEBEM PETROL DE DIFERENTES ORIGENS MISTURAM-SE E HOMOGENIZ......TORNAM-SE HOMOGÉNEOS

ALGURES NO SÉCULO XXI DO QUE NÃO GOSTAM....FALSIDADE COUSAS VÁRIAS

DESDE PESSOAS FEIAS A CASPA E CABELO OLEOSO...

O CARA DE O CONTRÁRIO DA FRASE DA LILI CANEÇAS


~
NÃO GOSTO DE TIPO INVERNO...NÃO GOSTO DE INGLES

NÃO GOSTO DE PESSOAS ESTUPIDAS

NÃO GOSTO DE

DIREITOS (É O ÚNICO) DE NOS MANIFESTAR-MOS

SOU TÃO BOM QUE FALO QUE ME FARTO

EU BAXIXE IMPERADOR DE PORTUGAL TENHO MUITA ATENÇÃO QUE ATÉ VEJO MAL

A CEE SIGNIFICA IMPERIALISMO DA MAÇÃONARIA INTERNAZIONALLE SENÃO VEJAMOS A TAXA DE COBERTURA DAS IMPORTAÇÕES PELAS EXPORTAÇÕES DE MAÇÃS ERA DE 105% EM 1985 EXPORTAVA-SE MAIS MAÇÃ DO QUE A QUE SE IMPORTAVA HOJE CAMPANHA DE 1988 A MAÇÃ IMPORTADA OCUPA 40% DE TODA A MAÇÃ À VENDA EM SUPERMERCADOS E EM TENDINHAS E PRAÇAS DESTE PAÍS E SE CALHAR ATÉ É MAIS EM BREVE MUITO EM BREVE A LIMPEZA DAS TERRAS A DRENAGEM DOS RIOS E RIBEIRAS SERÁ DESCUIDADA A DESTRUIÇÃO DAS SEBES NATURAIS E DAS DE IMPORTAÇÃO COMO A FIGUEIRA-DA-ÍNDIA NO ALGARVE E OS FIGOS DA OPUNTIA SERIAM UM MERCADO PARA EXPORTAÇÃO POIS CALCULO QUE PODERIAM PRODUZIR 300 TONELADAS DELES EM TODO O ALGARVE DADA A DENSIDADE DAS SEBES NO MINIFÚNDIO DO BARLAVENTO E 300 TONELADAS A DIGAMOS 100$00 O QUILO SERIAM 30 MIL CONTOS DARIAM PARA PAGAR SALÁRIOS MÍNIMOS A CENTOS DE OPERÁRIOS ....EM VEZ DISSO AS NOVAS LEIS LEVAM AO ESVENTRAMENTO DAS SEBES ASSIM COMO AS OBRAS DE REGADIO NUMA TERRA DE SEQUEIRO HÁ DÉCADAS ...4 MILHÕES DE CONTOS DESPERDIÇADOS SEM PLANEAMENTO ADEQUADO NEM EMPARCELAMENTO ALÉM DE ELIMINAREM CENTROS NATURAIS DE PROPAGAÇÃO DE INSECTOS POLINIZADORES E ENTOMÓFAGOS

NA MAIOR PARTE DA EUROPA E DOS 

STATES A APICULTURA É UM SERVIÇO

QUE OS POMARES PAGAM

CÁ É UM SERVIÇO DE ENVENENAMENTO

SISTEMÁTICO DAS COLMEIAS 

PELOS INSECTICIDAS DOS POMARES

2 OU 4 COLMEIAS NUM HECTARE DE 

TREVO MORANGO OU BRANCO 

CUSTAM 6 A 8 MARCOS POR COLMEIA 

POR DIA OU POR SEMANA?

POIS  ...NUM HECTARE 

HÁ 20 A 30 MILHÕES DE FLORES DE TREVO

PARA POLINIZAR E CADA COLMEIA 

TERÁ 100 MIL ABELHAS SE TANTO

What is‘climate’?What is A‘climate model’? –mesoscale phenomena in the ocean – Climate variability 31 DE JULHO E UM DE AGOSTO 2003 BANDOS DE GAIVOTAS NOS ALPES MIGRAM DA COSTA PARA OS ALPES TAL É A ADAPTABILIDADE DAS BICHAS A EXTREMOS CLIMÁTICOS LONDRES ATINGIU HOJE OS 38,7ºC NORTH POLE STRATOSPHERE 1989 JANUARY -86ºC FEB -57ºC MÍNIMOS DESDE 1957 IS THAT THE MAXIMUM OF THE 89 SUN CYCLE OF ACTIVITY?

Stouffer, R. J., and S. Manabe, Equilibrium Response of Thermohaine
Circulation to large Changes in Atmospheric CO2 concentration, Climate
Dynamics, (20): 759-773, 2003.

Wetherald, R. T., and S. Manabe, Simulation of Hydrologic Change Associated
with Global Warming, Journal of Geophysical Research (107, D19): 4379-4393,
2002

UN POSTE DE RADIO-TÉLÉVISION PORTATIF SONY 2 CHAINES E QUE FUNCIONA EM TODOS OS PAÍSES DA EUROPA ATÉ AQUI DIZ O REGRESSADO DA BRETANHA CUSTOU-ME 1700 FRANCOS EM 1967...ORA ORA DIZ O OUTRO CUSTOU-TE 600 FRANCS EN DEUXIEME MÃO ....SÃO SÓ 5 QUILOS E MEIO DIZ PARA O CHEFE DA ALFÂNDEGA E PARA O INSPECTOR REFORMADO DA PEVIDE QUE É COMUNISTA MAS SÓ ÀS VEZES ....QUANTO QUERES DIZ O PATEGO...- FUNCIONA SUR BATTERIE OU NO RÉSEAU Ó COMANDANTE SÃO SÓ 300 PAUS .....300 PAUS SÓ? MAS ENTÃO NÃO A COMPRASTE POR 600 FRANCOS ....POIS POIS MAS FOI EN SOIXANTE SETE AGORA JÁ ESTAMOS EN SETENTE E TROIS .....SE TENTE? - SE NÃO TENTA ...NÃO PODE ALEVAR ESTA BELEZA PRÁ PRAIA ...E FUNCIONA NA PRAIA....AH SE FUNCIONA

E A VELHARIA LÁ FOI PRÁ PRAIA 

PUSERAM OS SAIOTES LARGOS PARA METEREM OS CALÇÕES 

O CHEFE E O INSPECTOR DA PEVIDE OLHAVAM PARA OS DINAMARQUESES

A COISAREM COM AS NATIVAS NAS DUNAS DA CIDADE PERDIDA DE TRÓIA 

E NÃO É QUE NÃO HÁ UM CABO-DA-GUARDA ....

ORA E SE HOUVESSE IA PRENDER OS CÁMONES?

ISSO NÃO DÁ GUITO.....

FROM CHICAGO WITH LOVE ....NEW YEAR ..AFTER THE STAR TREK VI 1991 THE KLINGON EMPIRE GO UNDER LIKE THE USSR E AO MESMO TEMPO DE DESINTEGRAÇÃO DO IMPÉRIO SOVIÉTICO SURGE UMA OBRA LAUDATÓRIA DA PAX AMERICANA UMA PARAFILIA SEXUAL DA DEMOCRACIA OCIDENTAL E DO MODELO CAPITALISTA QUE A SUPORTA COMO EPÍTOMES.....LITERATOS DU POUVOIR DA MACHINE DE HACER MIERDA ..... do grego ἐπιτομή de ἐπιτέμνειν epitemnein "cortar curto") é uma forma literária sumária ou em miniatura; uma instância ENFIM A LUA DE VULCANO EXPLODE E DESTRÓI A CAMADA DE OZONO EXPLODE PORQUÊ? FUCK YOU AMA NUM EXPILICA A DEMOCRACIA OCIDENTAL É O MODELO ÚLTIMO DE 1992 PARA DIANTE E AS RESERVAS PLANETÁRIAS DE O2 DE VULCANO VÃO À VIDA EM 50 ANOS....É TUDO UMA QUESTÃO DE FÉ DO ARGUMENTISTA COMPLICADO NÃO É ...TANTO OS KLINGON COMO O NIPO-AMERICANO DA CHICAGO IMPERIAL EM RUÍNAS ENFIM FUKUYAMA NÃO TEM OS GULAGS DOS KLINGONS RURA PENTHA ETC COMO DESTINO FINAL DOS DESEMPREGADOS DE CHICAGO OU DE BELFAST OU DE MANCHESTER OU MESMO DOS DO RUHR OU DO R.U.R. NO FUNDO POUCA DIFERENÇA FAZ ...SE NÃO TRABALHAM MORREM...SÃO OS ANTI-AMERICANOS PERFEITOS SEM WELFARE STATE NEM STAMPS FOR FOOD THIS KLINGONS HÁ UM DUALISMO DO IMPÉRIO DO MAL E DO CUME CIVILIZACIONAL EM FUKUYAMA E NA STAR TREK VI....E NEM DEVO TER VISTO AINDA METADE DAS OUTRAS 5 ASSASSINOS DE CRIANCINHAS (KRANSSINHASH...OS CÃES KLINGONS TAL COMO OS HUNOS ALEMÃES SÃO O MAL ABSOLUTO EXCEPTUANDO OS CÃES TEREM DENTES DE MEIO METRO QUE LHES DEVE DIFICULTAR A MASTIGAÇÃO DAS CRIANCINHAS SÃO MUITO PARECIDOS AOS NOSSOS FUKUYAMAS NO FUNDO CÃES DE GUERRA HÁ MUITOS

UMA REVOADA DE DEMOCRACIAS 

EM BARCAS DE MADEIRA 

TENTANDO CONSERVAR-SE À FRENTE

DAS HORDAS DE VÂNDALOS 

NUM MUNDO OCIDENTAL 

DE DEMOGRAFIA DECLINANTE

E DE DESEMPREGO GALOPANTE

NESTE 1992 COM GASOLINA A 1 LIBRA E 

25 .....PARECE SER UM LIVRO DE SUCESSO

OU PELO MENOS DE SUSSEX ...

OU DE ESSEX 

O FACTO DE A PUNCH E DO MODERN 

MARXISM SEREM PUBLICAÇÕES 

QUE NÃO DEVEM VER O FIM DE 1992

DIZ MUITO SOBRE A IMPORTÂNCIA 

DAS PREVISÕES OU PRÉ VISÕES 

DE FUKUYAMA NUM MUNDO QUE EM 

BREVE TERÁ MAIS HINDUS QUE 

EURO-AMERICANOS ...


a fetish of western democracy 

as the be end and end all


 for the progress of mankind

1992 MONOTONIA DO MODELO VULNERABILIZA-O FACE AO MEIO CAPITALISTA QUE ENGLOBA TODOS OS REGIMES: PERDA DE VARIABILIDADE LEVARÁ INEVITAVELMENTE A UM GRANDE CRASH DO MODELO OCIDENTAL DEVIDO A EXCESSO DE COMPETIÇÃO TEMOS EM DENG XIAO PING UM HÍBRIDO POLÍTICO-ECONÓMICO QUE SERÁ UM SUSEXO PÓS-BOPHAL UM SISTEMA TRANSPLANTADO DIFERENCIA-SE E DESDIFERENCIA-SE E METE CIA NISSO....JÁ KGB TALVEZ LOGO SE VÊ...

MITOSES COMPLETAS DO CAPITALISMO EURO-AMERICANO

EUROPEU AMERICANO E NÃO EURO POIS NEM ÉCUS HAVIA

FASE FINAL DA SEGMENTAÇÃO DO DAS KAPITAL

BLASTÓMEROS CAPITALISTAS NA BLÁSTULA ECONÓMICA MUNDIAL

PARA QUÊ PROTEGER THE BLUE COLLAR WORKER'S UNITED

SE O CONSUMIDOR É O PRODUTO FINAL DO REGIME

STAMP FOOD SOCIETY

E OS TRAILER PARKS VON GREAT BRITAIN TO SWEDEN ENGORGE

EVERY DAY....IT'S A TREND TO THE XXI CENTURY

1992 IS A NICE YEAR

IT'S NOT NICE POUR EVERYBODY ÉLASSE...

C'EST TOUTE UNE QUESTION OF CLASS...

DUMB BELLS LIKE BASS....

CURIOSO O INCIDENTE DESTA SEMANA UMA FORÇA POLICIAL SEM MANDATO DE BUSCA OU DE DETENÇÃO FAZ VALER A SUA FORÇA NUMA DEMOCRACIA QUE EM MUITOS ASPECTOS É TALVEZ A QUE MAIS DIREITOS GARANTE AO CIDADÃO...É COMO O HOMICÍDIO DO PSIQUIATRA/PSICÓLOGO NA SERRA DA ARRÁBIDA EM 1981 NO 2º DIA DA MINHA CHEGADA OU 3º UM MINI É PICOTADO POR BALAS JOYRIDERS NENHUM MORREU CONTRARIAMENTE À GNR APONTARAM MAIS BAIXO MAS MESMO ASSIM OS BANCOS FORAM FURADOS TRANSVERSALMENTE É UM MINI LOGO NÃO HÁ MUITO ESPAÇO ENTRE AS BALAS TENTO TIRAR UMA FOTOGRAFIA DO CARRO UM DOS SOLDADOS PEGA NA CÂMARA E ATIRA-O AO CHÃO QUANDO FALEI AO SANDY SOBRE O INCIDENTE ELE DIZ-ME TIVESTE SORTE PODIA.TE TER DETIDO É PROIBIDO FOTOGRAFAR...PROIBIDO? PORQUÊ? E POR QUEM? SANDY THE SNITCH DON'T KNOW

CHEGOU UM CARGUEIRO COM TECA ....E ALGUMA CÂNFORA 

LEILÃO RÁPIDO POUCAS OFERTAS KARL LEVA QUASE TUDO 

ESTAMOS EM DEPRESSÃO E DEVE CHEGAR A 1992 E A 1993 ....

UM TIPO DA METEREOLOGIA PREVÊ UMA SECA PARA A PENÍNSULA ESTAMOS 

EM DEZEMBRO E PARECE QUE OS PRÓXIMOS DIAS DE JANEIRO E ÚLTIMOS DO ANO

VÃO TER POUCA CHUVA .....ALTA PROBABILIDADE DE SECA?

QUEM SABE ....CRIAÇÃO DE VEADOS NA ESCÓCIA PARA ABATE E CONSUMO

UMA TINHA 800 CABEÇAS  QUINTAS DE DIMENSÃO VARIÁVEL

QUE OS PRODUZEM EM MASSA FREE RANGE E CRAÇÃO INTENSIVA 

OUTRA OPORTUNIDADE PERDIDA PARA A PECUÁRIA PORTUGUESA 

QUE SE LIMITA À TAPADA DE MAFRA PARA FINS MAIS ECOLÓGICOS

E BEM CAROS .....DO QUE PARA FINS COMERCIAIS

VENETIAN ....SOUND'S BUT IS VENISON MEAT   POUND IS A LITTLE MORE EXPENSIVE THAN PORK OR MINCE OR MINCED MEAT....CHEGAM AQUI AO TALHO DO COSTUME HUNDRED POUNDS EACH WEEK PORTUGAL PODERIA EXPORTAR COM SUSEXO MONTES DESTES PRODUTOS DE AGRICULTURA NATURAL...OVOS BIOLÓGICOS DE ITÁLIA DE FRANÇA 
PIMENTOS AMARELOS VERMELHOS E VERDES DE ESPANHA 
É UM MERCADO BIOLÓGICO COMPETITIVO
FRAU? DIALECT? MUITOS PROGRAMAS SOBRE JARDINAGEM UND NATURAL LIFE IN THE WEEK...END'S

Wild Venison Sausages

These very fab Venison Sausages will be sure to knock your taste socks..

From £0.92 Per Serving
6 Servings for £5.50

YULI burma teak logs ALIBABA TEM TUDO MESMO PÔ

1ªVISITA BIRTUAL Ó ALI BÁ VÁ 

US $2080-3200 / Cubic Meter ( FOB Price) CAROTE PÔ MAIS DE 10 VEZES O PREÇO DE HÁ 20 ANOS ....

20 Cubic Meters (Min. Order)

Teak wood markets and prices

Considering the declining supply from natural forests, the long-term prospects for plantation-grown teak seem promising, but price data are lacking. The limited studies on historical prices for teak wood (largely from natural forests) suggest an upward trend. However, global, regional and national studies need to be undertaken to assess the long-term demand, supply and price trends for teak (as well as for other quality hardwoods). Such studies need to take into account the segmented nature of the market and the variation in wood quality and dimensions.
Existing national grading systems for teak timber need to be reviewed and changed as necessary, taking into account the quality and dimensions obtainable from plantations as well as from natural forests.

Short rotations and small-dimension wood

Investors in teak plantations are concerned about the markets and prices of small-diameter wood obtained from thinnings

 

GOSTO PARTICULARMENTE DOS SACOS BIODEGRADÁVEIS USO-OS MUITO SÃO ÓPTIMOS PARA LEVAR O LIXO PELA FLORESTA PEGA-SE NELES E ANTES DE SE CHEGAR AO PONTO DE RECOLHA JÁ SE ESTRUMOU A FLORESTA TODA E O LIXO É ORGÂNICO APODRECE TUDO COM ESTA HUMIDADE ....DIZEM QUE HÁ PROCISSÕES EM PORTUGAL A PEDIR ÁGUA É ABRIL ÁGUAS MIL SÓ NO DIA 25 OU NÃO 1992 SECA EM PORTUCALE 

 

 

SLUAGHARN - BEM VINDOS A BEIRUTE U.D.R UDF IRA PLO TEMOS DE TUDO O QUE BEIRUTE TEM MENOS O SOL .....1 DE DEZEMBRO 1991 HOJE REBENTARAM COM O CENTRO COMERCIAL IN NEWTONABBEY ABRIU-SE UM NOVO PROJECTO DE RECONSTRUÇÃO E TUDO PAGO PELO CONTRIBUINTE ANGLO-SEXON E PLO PETRÓLEO ESCOCÊS O PRIMEIRO CENTRO COMERCIAL ONDE ENTREI NESTA BEIRUTE MUY FRÍGIA ARDEU NUM FOGACHO ENORME ERAM TALVEZ UMAS 4 DA MATINA REBENTARAM GARRAFAS DE? GÁS NÃO DEVE TER SIDO PRODUTOS INFLAMÁVEIS AMONÍACO? ÁLCOOL? A MAIOR PARTE DOS FOGÕES SÃO ELÉCTRICOS LOGO NÃO DEVE TER SIDO GÁS ....PUSERAM DUAS CASSETES INCENDIÁRIAS DISSE O NOSSO PROVO THE ARMAGH SNIPER....CASSETES DE VÍDEO? PENSEI MAS NÃO PERGUNTEI NADA ....ÀS VEZES SABER DEMAIS FAZ MAL À TRIPA

A VIDA É BARATA (E A MORTE AINDA MAIS ) DIZEM DOIS VELHINHOS 

UM CASAL VIVIA NUMA MATCH BOX AQUI NINGUÉM QUERIA MORAR 

COMPREI TERRENO EM 77 (1900 NÃO 1800 SÃO VELHOS MAS NÃO ASSI TANTO)

E FIZ ESTA CASA E ABRE OS BRAÇOS 

TUDO OK MAS OS DO LADO OS IRISH BOG TROTTERS 

CAMPESIÑOS NÃO GOSTAM DOS CITADINOS PRINCIPALMENTE DOS PROT'S 

O MEU ARCHITECTUM CHAMOU-LHES VERMES IRLANDESES IRISH WORM'S 

E ELES LEVANTARAM-LHE UM MURO EM PEDRA VELHA 

MUDARAM UM MURO COM MUSGO DE OUTRO LUGAR

PARA LHE TAPAR A VISTA 

O QUE TEM ISTO A VER COM O CENTRO 

COMERCIAL? NADA

40 PESSOAS DESPEDIDAS 

£200,000 LIBRAS DE PREJUÍZO

ATINGI HOJE OS 888 LIVROS E AS 506 REVISTAS DE DESENHOS ANIMADOS VULGUS BANDA DESENHADA QUADRINHOS OU GIBI DE RESTO A MAIOR PARTE DELAS É IMPORTADA E VEM EM CRUZEIRO NÉ E TEM SUBIDO MAIS CU ESCUDO PÔ LIVRO DO BRASIL COMPRADO POR 4$00 NOVOS CUSTAM JÁ 20$00 E TROQUEI UM POR DOIS LOGO PASSAI DUS 886 PARA 888 QUANTOS JÁ TROQUEI? NO LO SE ORA OS MILITARES CONTINUAM NO PODER E NO PHODER A CARLA DIVIDE OS SEUS 13 ANOS ENTRE UM MAJOR DE BRANCANES E O PROFESSOR DO TAL E COUSO O MAJOR OFERECEU-LHE UM CASAQUINHO DE PELES QUE FICA GIRO POIS É A ÚNICA LOIRA OXIGENADA DE LA ESCUELA NACIONALIZADA NOSSA ...CONTINUA A HAVER EDUCAÇÃO MORAL E RELIGIOSA SABE-SE LÁ PORQUÊ E OS LIVROS DA MINHA PRIMA JÁ NÃO SERVEM ABAIXO O LIVRO ÚNICO COMPREM-SE LIVROS NOVOS QUE AS THYPOGRAPHYAS PRECISAM DE GUITO ARAME GRANEL NOTAS DE 100 PALHAÇOS NOTAS DE 20 PAUS MOEDAS DE 10 ESCUDOS QUE POR ACASO JÁ NÃO SE VEÊM MUITE NÃ SÊ PRUQUÊ NEM SÃO DE PRATA COMO AS CARAVELAS DE 2 E QUINHENTOS OU AS DE 5 MÉL RÉIS NEM COMO AS DE 20 ESCUDOS DA PONTE SAL Y AZAR NAZIONALIZADA NOSSA O FACTO DE SE CONTINUAREM A PAGAR PORTAGENS PROVA QUE O QUE É NOSSO TAMBÉM SE PAGA

UM GAJO QUE TEM UMA PAIXONETA TAMBÉM PELA CARLA

E OBVIAMENTE ADMITO-O QUE NÃO VAI CONSEGUIR NADA POIS ELA É UMA ...

UMA ADULTA FEITA À PRESSA .......UM GAJO COM 14 ANOS OU 15

REPETENTE MAS DO MEU TAMANHO OU LIGEIRAMENTE MAIOR

PREGOU-ME COM A CORNADURA NA PAREDE APARENTEMENTE

POR CAUSA DA MINHA CONVERSA COM A CARLA

TAVA A GOZAR COM ELA E ELA DIZ -- ABAIXA A BOLINHA

EU CÁ NÃO TENHO BOLINHA DIGO EU ....DEVES TAR-ME A CON FUNDIR

COM OS JOGADORES DI FUTEBOLA DO ESTÁDIO CIMENTADO NAXION ANALIZADU

NOSSO...BOM AXO QU'ISSO INDA NAZIONALIZARAM EMBORA.....

E ELA ARRESPONDE TENS SIM .....DUAS,,,

E EU COMPREENDO O ALCANCE ANATÓMICO DA RESPOSTA E CALO-ME

ACHO QUE FIQUEI VERMELHUSCO APESAR DE NEM TER ENTRADO NA DITA

PUBER EDADE ....É UM CASO DE ATARAXIA

INDIFERENÇA ÀS CIRCUNSTÂNCIAS

DA VIDA SEXUAL DA RAPARIGA QUE COISA COM MAJORES E PROFESSORES

E JOGADORES DE FUTEBOL DE IDADES VARIADAS

MAS CONTINUO APESAR DESSAS MESMAS ATARAXIDADES

OU ATARRAXIDADES DEVIDO AO EFEITO SARRRDINHA

COM UMA PAIXONETA INFANTO-JUVENILIS PLA CARLA

E PELA CAIXA DE ÓCULOS GORDINHA E PELA GIRAFA RETORNADA

QUE ME SUPERA EM QUASE UM PALMO APESAR DE TER APENAS

MAIS SEIS MESES E PICOS DO QUE EU POIS NASCEU A 12 FEVEREIRO

SEGUNDO AS FICHAS DA PROFESSORA QUE PASSA METADE DA AULA FORA DELA

FORA DA AULA E NÃO FORA D'ELA SE BEM QUE ....

LA DITADURA É UCCISA ....VIVA A DEMOCRACIA MILITARIZADA

O ANO DOIS OU QUASE OU O ANO III UMA VEZ QUE 74 75 E 76 SÃO ANOS

SE BEM QUE INCOMPLETOS E O 25 DE AVRIL ESTÁ QUASE O VIRAR DA ESQUINA

21 MESES E PICOS DE RÊVE LOUCÃO CONTINUO A DAR ERROS EM FRANCIÚ

APESAR DE LERE MELHOR QUE A PROFESSORA LES LIVRES DU FLEUVE NOIR

POURQUOI ? JE NE SAIS PAS...PRATICO POUCO A ESCRITA SUPONGO

E DETESTO OS TEMPOS VERBAIS PASSAREI EM BREVE DO 4 DE NÍVEL DE BOLHA

PARA O TRÊS DE FIO-DE-PRUMO ....

UM CÂNTICO PARA LEIBOWITZ ACABADO DE LER EM FEVEREIRO DE 1975 DEMOREI DOIS ANOS A JUNTAR OS TRÊS VOLUMES COMECEI A LER O PRIMEIRO EM JANEIRO DE 73 É UM LIVRO FANTÁSTICO ...DEPOIS DA QUEDA, DAS PRAGAS E DA LOUCURA, COMEÇOU A SANGUEIRA DA SIMPLIFICAÇÃO ...OS SIMPLÓRIOS COMO ALEGREMENTE SE DESIGNAVAM A SI PRÓPRIOS, ALEGREMENTE, MATARAM SEM PIEDADE TODOS OS "ESPERTALHÕES" OS CHEFES OS PROFESSORES E OS CIENTISTAS QUE ACUSAVAM DE TER TORNADO A TERRA NAQUILO QUE ELA ERA ...UM DESERTO ESTÉRIL E MEDONHO.....DOU-TE 100$00 PELOS TRÊS VOLUMES DIZ O EX-INSPECTOR DA PEVIDE ....AHN? 100 ESCUDOS...LÁ ESTÁ ELE COM OS AHN'S....ÀS VEZES PENSO QUE TENS ALGO DE PARVO MIÚDO 150$00 TÁ DESCANSADO QUE DAQUI A UNS MESES NÃO COMPRAS NADA COM ISSO...OU DOU-TE DOIS DÓLARES DE PRATA QUERES? NÃ PREFIRO OS 150 ESCUDOS ISSO SE CALHAR É FALSO COMO VOCEMECÊ É JÁ SE SABE ....OLHA PICOU-SE POR EU LHE CHAMAR PARVO ....ORA DIZ AQUI UMA DAS MAIORES OBRAS DE FICÇÃO CIENTÍFICA DE TODOS OS TEMPOS PODE SER QUE SEJA ...SE GOSTASTE MIÚDO DEVE SER BOA ...HÁ QUEM PAGUE UNS TOSTÕES GRAÚDOS POR ISTO ...PORQUÊ? ISSO NUNCA FOI APREENDIDO...HÁ TANTOS ...ARRANJO OUTROS POR UNS 30$ PRÁ SEMANA ...NÃ ARRANJAS...PRIMEIRO AUMENTARAM OS PREÇOS ÓDESPOIS TOU PAGANDO 40$ POR TODOS OS 3º VOLUMES QUE APAREÇAM POR AQUI...PRAQUÊ VOCEMECÊ NEM LÊ...MAS VENDE-SE ...COMO VENDIA OS OUTROS QUE FORAM APREENDIDOS? NAH DISTO NUNCA FOI NADA APREENDIDO ERAM HISTÓRIAS PRA AUMENTAR O PREÇO ...TAL COMO A COVA DOS LEÕES É DAQUELAS COISAS QUE PRA POUCO PRESTAM E SE VENDEM BEM A TOLOS QUE TÊM MUITO PARA GASTAR...ORA E SE DAQUI A UNS MESES O DINHEIRO NÃO COMPRA NADA PRA QUÉ QUE VOCEMECÊ SE DÁ AO TRABALHO?....Ó CARALHO O PUTO É CHATO OLHA SE NÃO TIVESSEM ACABADO COM A COUSA INDA PODIAS SER....INDA POSSO SER DA K.G.B NÉ? HUM FILHO NUM ME CHEIRA SOMOS UM PAÍS MUITO CONSERVADOR TU NÃO CONHECES O NORTE...ORA ATÃO ESTÁ CONTRA A SUA FÉ? ESTE LIVRO FALA DA MORTE E RENASCIMENTO DAS CIVILIZAÇÕES ONDE TUDO CONTINUA NA MESMA CEDO OU TARDE UMA NOVA PEVIDE OU SEU EQUIVALENTE APARECE POR AQUI......UHN ....ORA CHATEIA-SE COM OS AHN'S MAS ANDA SEMPRE NOS UHN'S....É COMO CONTIGO É O HÁBITO....O FACTO DE SE TER FÉ NALGUMA COISA NÃO QUER DIZER QUE SE REALIZE ...JÁ TER FÉ NO NEGÓCIO NO DINHEIRO EM PAPEL OU NISTO E MOSTRA O DÓLAR DE PRATINHA QUE DIZ 192? MUITO APAGADINHO LIBERTY E? É UMA FÉ QUE COMPRA OVOS E PÃO E QUE NÃO NECESSITA DE ANDAR A DAR CACHAPORRADAS NOS POMBOS ...ALTO LÁ DIZ O REFORMADO OU APOSENTADO OU ESQUECI-ME COMO DIZEM OS BRASIS É APOSENTADORIA MESMO NÉ? GIBI REVISTINHA DE QUADRINHO E TAL...HÁ TANTOS POMBOS É UMA MANEIRA FÁCIL DE POUPAR UNS SOLDOS DIZ OUTRO DA LIGA DOS COMBATENTES E JOGA A BISCA ....INDA NUM PERCEBI COMO SE JOGA A BISCA LAMBIDA...E LAMBIDA PORQUÊ E NÃO PERGUNTO PRA NÃO PASSAR POR ....JÁ SE SABE....- ..fevereiro de 1975 um parque algures no sul do tejo um ex-inspector ou sub-inspector ou outra merda da Pevide que pertenceu ao Partei anarco-sindicalista de que o PCP se originou joga às damas e à sueca ao mesmo tempo ...tem setenta e muitos ou oitenta e poucos veio para esta cidade no pós-25 por razões óbvias o PS foi legalizado no princípio do mês e um dos da sueca da liga dos combatentes cospe lá vamos outra vez para as guerras entre partidos ...um cabo ao lado ri-se ediz e achas que os militares largam o poder ? o reformado da Pevide ri-se e diz ainda há muito dinheiro a fazer com a revolução ...só de armas velhas nos depósitos pra vender como antiguidades aos americanos e aos ingleses ...e aos franceses e outros ...e não os vendes aos teus camaradas soviéticos DIZ O SARAIVA E JOGA O REI DE PAUS? BOLAS ESTÃO A JOGAR À BISCA OU À SUECA? -ESTAMOS A JOGAR AO BURRO...ACABA DE LER O LIVRO QUE JÁ METESTE OS 150 PAUS NO BOLSO...AH SE CALHAR QUERIA QUE FICASSEM AQUI A APANHAR AR PODIAM CONSTIPAR-SE....OLHA A CHALAÇA ....HÁ-DE SER DOUTOR DIZ O VÔVÔ.....POIS PARA APANHAR DOENÇAS DOS OUTROS....PELO MENOS TENS EMPREGO CERTO E NÃO FAZES GRANDE COISA DIZ O SARAIVA QUE PERDEU DOIS DEDOS NA GRANDE ...E TEM UM RESTAURANTE HÁ 40 ANOS LÁ PRA ALMADA OU O RAIO QUE O PARTA ...VÔVÔ DIZ QUE É UM TASCO E QU'ELE ARMA-SE AO FINO ...MAL CONSEGUE ESCREVER O BRUTO E ESTÁ RICO DIZ DE QUANDO EM VEZ A INVEJA DO VÔVÔ .....TUDO SE VENDE DIZ O SOVIÉTICO ATÉ NA GRANDE UNIÃO NÃO ABOLIRAM A MOEDA É IMPOSSÍVEL TEM DE HAVER UM PADRÃO? UM PEDRÃO NÃO DEVE SER NÃO FAZ MUITO SENTIDO....DEIXA DE ESCREVER ESSAS MERDAS E LÊ O LIVRO QUE DAQUI A UMA HORA APANHO O COMBOIO ....ORA PODIA LEVÁ-LO NOUTRA ALTURA.....ORA SE CALHAR PENSAS QUE ÉS MEU HERDEIRO...JÁ ESTÁ PAGO, PASSA-O PRA CÁ ...TÁ BEM LEIO O RESTO EM 15 MINUTOS ...INDA TENS O BILHETE MILITAR FALSO PRA PAGARES SÓ UM QUARTO DO BILHETE...CLARO, SE CALHAR QUERIAS QUE PAGASSE O DOBRO COMO TU....E NÃO É FALSO ESTÁ É UM BOCADINHO MODIFICADO....

- Um Cântico para Leibowitz 3

Autor: Walter M. Miller, Jr.

Título original: A Cantic for Leibowitz

1ª Edição: 1959

Publicado na Colecção Argonauta em 1971

Capa: Lima de Freitas

Tradução: Eurico da Fonseca

 

nº 169 - Um Cântico para Leibowitz 1

O HOMEM DAS ANTENAS DE RADAR PARECIA UM SATÂNICO DEMO ....DISCORDO DESSA CONCÓRDIA O MEU (SALVOSSEJA ) PROFESSOR É UM CARECA VELHINHO DE 67 OU 69...PROVAVELMENTE 68 MAS 69 TEM MAIS BISCOITO BIS COITO....XINCERAMENTE É UM SATÂNICO DEMÓNIO QUE IMPÕE MEDO A MIÚDOS DE OUTO E 9 ANOS E 10 E MAIS MAI ALTOS CA'ELE MUITAS VEZES PENSO QUE O PODIA EMPURRAR E ELE CAIA ...MAS E AS CONSEQUÊNCIAS ? COM DITADURA OU COM DITA MOLE CONTINUAMOS NO MESMO SERVILISMO ABJECTO Ó GRANDE ARQUITECTO TEMOS MEDO DO EXAME DA QUARTA DA REGUADA POR NÃO EXERCITAR A LÍNGUA NO VERBO HAVERE

O QUE DIZERE DO ENSINO DO ESTADO NOVO E DO NOVO ESTADO MILITARIZADO

A DIFERENÇA NUM É NOTÁVEL

MAS NUM SENDO EU SÁVEL

É PROVÁVEL

QUE NUM TENHA MUITA

APESAR DE TUDO ENSINOU-NOS A LER COMO O ENSINARAM A ELE

EM 1914 OU ASSI À REGUADA E À PONTEIRADA DE PAU DE MARMELEIRO

O GATO NÃO É UM CARNÍVORO E PIMBA NA CACHOLEIRA

ÓDESPOIS ENTRO NO DESVARIO DO OLHAR VAZIO

CONFORMADO OBVIAMENTE ADMITO-O

O PROFESSOR SUPREMO QUE ORIENTA AS CREADAS INFERIORES

PARA AS SUAS INFERIORES PARTES

E PELO QUE SE BABA PELO MIO DIO NI CIO ...COM A CARINHA DE BÉBÉ

COMEÇA A CHORAR E O MACACÃO VELHÃO BAIXA A RIPA DE MADEIRA

E O BÉBÉ PODE URINAR O CHÃO TODO QUE NUNCA LEVA ...

EU FAZIA ...EU PODIA ...EU.....EU....

MANDA NOS GATOS NAS CREADAS NA MULHER TAMBÉM ELA PROFESSORA

DO OUTRO LADO DA ESCOLA DIVIDIDA ENTRE MENINOS E MENINAS

PORQUÊ A DIVISÃO?

NO COLÉGIO DAS FREIRAS NÃO ERA ASSI NÃO

SE BEM ME LEMBRO VITORINO AOS 5 ANOS LEVÁVAMOS PORRADA

DAS MENINAS QUE AS FREIRAS ENSINAVAM

FOI A MINHA PRIMEIRA REGUADA

O SEÑOR PADRE CURA QUE JOGA AO DOMINÓ E À SUECA COM O ABUELITO

DIZE QUE É POR APANHAREM DA PADRALHADA E DAS FREIRAS

E ÓDESPOIS VINGAM-SE É NORMAL

É A NÃO PERCEBI HUMANA QUALQUER COUSA

O INSPECTOR DA PEVIDE QUE DIZ A GUARDA SER COMUNISTA

POIS COMO DIZ O VÔVÔ DANTES TODOS OS PARTIDOS TINHAM PESSOAL NA GUARDA

E NAS SECRETAS ...DE RESTO ELE BEM SABE FORAM OS SIDONISTAS MESSIANISTAS

QUE LHE ARRANJARAM O LUGAR

E NO EXÉRCITO DIZ O SENHOR CAPITÃO-CAPELÃO

E OBVIAMENTE ADMITO-O SE JÁ LÁ ESTAVAM NA DITADURA

NA DITA MOLE VÃO ENCHER TUDO COMO OS SPINOLISTAS OU MONOCULISTAS?

OTELISTAS? COMO SE CHAMARÃO AS FUTURAS TENDÊNCIAS

VÔ PREFERE FACÇÕES E ELE LÁ SABE JÁ FEZ O EXAME DA QUARTA

O MEU É AMANHÃ COM DITADURA OU SEM ELA

O EXAME É UM RITO DE PASSAGEM

ORA SE A MINHA PRIMA JÁ O PASSOU DIZ O AVÔ

SÓ SE TE REBENTAREM O TOUTIÇO À PAULADA É QUE NÃO PASSAS ....

E ELA PASSOU HÁ ANOS ...QUANDO AINDA NÃO HAVIA AS TAIS REFORMAS

E DU CAÇA E OS NAIS OU OS NAIRES E O ELEFANTE DO LIVRO DE LEITURA

ORA TUDO ISTO POR CAUSA DE ESTAR A LER UM LIVRO DA ARGONAUTA NA AULA

O AVÔ ACHA BEM

É NATURAL

TEM DE HAVER DISCIPLINA

TEM DE HAVER .....

NÃO ME PARECE UMA ÉPOCA MUITO DISCIPLINADA

OLHA A LETRA BONITA QUE FAZ O RAPAZ

E LÁ VOU ESCREVENDO LETRINHAS GORDAS COMO ME ENSINARAM

DIZEM QUE LETRINHAS GORDAS SÃO DE ILETRADO

MAS NÃO CONSIGO MUDAR A FORMA DAS LETRAS PATETAS

DEVE TER SIDO DAS PAULADAS NO TOUTIÇO

LER É DE FACTO MUITO PERIGOSO EM QUALQUER REGIME....MILITAR OU CIVIL

DOI-ME A CABEÇA E AMANHÃ TENHO EXAME DA QUARTA

E SE O PROFESSOR QUE SE ESCONDEU EM CASA NO 25 DE ABRIL OU NA ABRILADA

NÃO TIVESSE VOLTADO PARA OS EXAMES DOIA-ME A CABEÇA?

O CHAMIÇO JUDEU BEIRÃO DA ZEBREIRA OU DO VAZIO PENAMACOR CHEGOU EM DEMANDA À FEIRA DA CAPITAL DO REINO NO ANO V DA RÊVE LOUCÃO QUE DEPÔS A MONARQUIA SALAZARISTA E DEU ORIGEM À REPÚBLICA MILITARIZADA NAZIONALIZADA NOSSA CHAMIÇO COMEÇA POR QUEIXAR-SE DOS CRISTÃOS-NOVOS DE BELMONTE E DOS MARRANOS E SACA DA BALANÇA DE MOLA QUE PESA TUDO PELO DOBRO POIS ESTÁ A VENDER .....CHEGA UM CLIENTE QUE QUER VENDER E SACA LOGO DA BALANÇA QUE PESA CADA QUILO POR 600 GRAMAS ...É CASQUINHA DIZ O CHAMIÇO ....É PRATA DIZ O SE QUEIRA SE QUEIRA DA ALTA BURGUESIA ARRUINADA PELO ESTADO NOVO E PELO NOVO ESTADO MAS AINDA BEM RELACIONADO ...SE QUEIRA SE QUEIRA TERÁ 40 OU 40 E PICOS DIFÍCIL DE DIZER CARA ONDE PUXOU MUITO SOL E ONDE O TABACO SE ENTRANHA E NÃO SE ESTRANHA ...CHAMIÇO BEIRÃO E MARRANO DE COMER ALHEIRA E ABOMINAR A CHOURIÇA DO TASCO DA ESQUINA OU A SALSICHA NO PÃO DO CASÃO MILITARIZADO NOSSO ONDE SE COMPRA O QUE A DEPAUPERADA ECONOMIA NÃO FORNECE ...RESUMINDO COUSAS QUE SE PAGAM EM DÓLARES COMO GIRA-DISCOS IMPORTADOS E GRAVATAS DA GIVENCHY E CASACOS DE CABEDAL DAS OFICINAS GERAIS DE ENFARDAMENTO ...CHAMIÇO TUDO COMPRA E TUDO LEVA PARA AS TERRAS RAIANAS ONDE SER MARRANO É SER BOM COMERCIANTE E NÃO FAZER FIADOS ...JÁ SE QUEIRA SE QUEIRA TUDO VENDE ...O SEU E DE SEUS AMIGOS E CONHECIDOS ARRUINADOS PELO ANO IV DA RÊVE LOUCÃO ONDE TODOS QUEREM O PHODER PARA O PHODER SER PERFEITO ALGUNS ESFORÇAM-SE POR O ALCANÇAR OUTROS NÃO PRECISAM DE O FAZER POIS JÁ O TÊM

OUTROS ESPERAM QUE TRAGAM O PHODER PARA A MESA

E PEDEM-NO COMO QUEM PEDE UM CAFÉ

O SENHOR PRESIDENTE DEMITIU-ME ....ORA AINDA BEM

ISTO DE SER PRIMEIRO-MINISTRO É UMA MAÇADA

QUE NÃO CAI BEM A NENHUM BOM BURGUÊS

OU HAM BURGUÊS JÁ NEM SEY

O PHODER PESA PRINCIPALMENTE À PRIMEIRA-DAMA DO PHODER MINISTERIAL

TINHA MELHOR FIGURA QUANDO APARECIA

NOS FILMES DO NAZIONAL-SAL AZARISMUS QUE POR SINAL

 DAVA UMA ESCOLARIDADE BRUTAL

OUTROS ESPERAM QUE O PHODER LHES VOLTE ÀS MÃOS E ELE NÃO VEM

O CHAMIÇO PESA O PHODER EM GRAMMAS E EM QUILOS

EM QUILOS DE COBRE AMOEDADO OU EM ALPACA

ORA QUINHENTOS ESCUDOS EM MOEDAS DE ESCUDO A 8 GRAMMAS

SÃO QUATRO QUILOS DIZ O SE QUEIRA SE QUEIRA

AJUDANTE DO OUTRO PORTADOR DE JARROS CHAMA-SE BRILHANTE

MAS COM BRILHO DE NOME ANGLO-SEXÓNICO OU SIMILAR

VEIO DE CYNTHRA A MAGNÍFICA QUE TEM NOME DE LINHA E TUDO

COMO O POLO ILON OU A ROSICLER TEM MARCA

OS RETORNADOS COMEM HAMBURGUERES DE CARNE PICADA

NÃO COMEM PREGOS NEM BIFANAS

NÃO COMEM PÃO MAS CORN FLAKES COM UM GALO EM CADA PACOTE

COMO SE DÃO A ESSES LUXOS ....VENDEM O QUE TROUXERAM

MAÇOS DE NOTAS ROLOS DE MOEDAS SEM VALOR

TUDO SE DERRETE TUDO SE TRANSFORMA TUDO SE VENDE

NA GRANDE FEIRA DO PHODER

PHODER ECONÓMICO

PHODER SEXUAL COM CARNE À VENDA EM TODAS AS ENTRADAS DE LISBOA

PHODER DO CAVALO PARA O CHAVALO O ÓPIO POPULAR É A HEROÍNA DOS

RIMANCES DE CORDEL

COMO EM 1929 NA PENSÃO PRIMOROSA ERA A COCAÍNA NO BRAÇO DO SENHOR

DOUTOR QUE O MIÚDO DO QUARTO AO LADO ESPREITOU PARA VER SE ESTAVA

VIVO OU NEM POR ISSO....E ESTAVA NEM POR ISSO

O DONO DA PENSÃO CHAMOU A POLÍCIA

A POLÍCIA CHAMOU QUEM LEVASSE O SENHOR DOUTOR

O CHAMIÇO NÃO VENDE DROGA EXCEPTO MAÇOS DE MALBORO

O SE QUEIRA VENDE TUDO O QUE ARRANJA E COMPRA MAÇOS A METADE DO PREÇO

NO FUNDO É UMA NEXEXIDADE DE ALGO QUE OS PREENCHA

E O FUMO PREENCHE POIS EXPANDE-SE BEM

NO FUNDO É TUDO FUMO

3 QUILOS E 800 DIZ O CHAMIÇO 500 ESCUDOS .....EM COBRE E ALPACA

ORA ISTO AINDA CORRE ....SÃO 500$00 NÃO HÁ AQUI NADA QUE VALHA A PENA

DE RESTO A ALPACA JÁ HÁ QUEM NÃO A ACEITE COMO MOEDA

E ESTA PRATA NEM 300 GRAMMAS DÁ ....E É CASQUINHA

NÃO É TEM PUNÇÃO DIZ O DA LINHA UM POUCO DESALINHADO

SE EU ESTIVESSE SOZINHO DAVA-TE NAS TROMBAS MEU LADRÃO

LADRÃO DIZ O CHAMIÇO É UM  POUCO FORTE ....EU VENDO E COMPRO

VENDO PELO PREÇO QUE CONSEGUIR

E COMPRO PELO PREÇO QUE ME SERVE

E PUNÇÕES HÁ MUITAS ....E FALSAS ENTÃO

550 POR TUDO E É UM FRETE

600 DIZ O SE QUEIRA QUE TEM COMISSÃO NA VENDA E NA COMPRA

570 ....E JÁ É MUITO

E JÁ É MUITO

O PHODER NESTE ANO EM QUE A REVOLUÇÃO ITENERANTE ARRASA AS BOLSAS

E AS VIDAS

NO ANO V E NO ANO VI E NOS SEGUINTES A FEIRA DO PHODER CON TI NUA

CON TI NUA

HÁ MUITA GENTE JÁ SEMI-NUA

ATÉ NA FEIRA SAEM DA MOURARIA E DO BAIRRO ALTO

ONDE O PESSOAL DO HOSPITAL DA MARINHA E DO CASÃO

E DAS OFICINAS QUE O SERVEM NÃO LEVA O PRÉ

DA CASA PIA UMA GAIATA SERVE OFICIAIS E SARGENTOS E OUTROS SARNENTOS

POR TRÁS DO PAN TIÃO DIZEM QUE NAZIONALIZADO NOSSO

DELA NUM É DE CERTEZA .....MOEDAS DE ESCUDO NOVINHAS EM FOLHA

ESCORREM DAS CAIXAS DO CASÃO

O ANO? 1978 OU 1979 TANTO FAZ ...JÁ QUANDO CHEGARMOS A 1980 VAI SER TUDO

DIFRENTE OU VAI SER TUDO DE FRENTE?

CONSTA AQUI NA FEIRA QUE O PESSOAL  QUE SE ENCOSTA À MISÉRIA

PREFERE FAZÊ-LO POR TRÁS...

DIZ O CHAMIÇO DE OLHAR MORTIÇO .....

PAGARAM-TE EM DÓLARES?

E QUE TENHO EU COM ISSO....

SÃO DORES DE QUEM TEM LARES

EM CASAS PIAS...

1984 ANO DECEPCIONANTE ORWELL FALHA EM TODA A LINHA TIRANDO AS HORDAS DE IRANIANOS QUE SE ATIRAM EM MASSA CONTRA AS TRINCHEIRAS DE SADDAM EM NOME DE ALLAH E COM A CHAVE DO PARAÍSO EM PLÁSTICO A 17 DE MARÇO GÁS MOSTARDA REAPARECE NAS GUERRAS MUNDIAIS LANÇADO EM JOFAIR TALAIYEH (NO AHWAZ...) O TABUN USADO CONTRA OS IRANIANOS SÓ MATA 200 NERVE GAS USAR SÓ EM ESPAÇOS FECHADOS FORA ISSO ANGOLA CONTRA ANGOLA ...GUERRA QUE PROMETE ATÉ AO SÉCULO XXI ...AFGÃOS CONTRA AFGÃOS E CONTRA RUSSOS PASHTUNS CONTRA USBAQUES ENFIM GUERRAS TRIBAIS USUAIS QUE COM A AJUDA DA CIA JÁ VAI NO ANO V E PROMETE MAIS UNS ATÉ A VIETNAMIZAÇÃO DO CONFLITO COMEÇAR A MATAR MENOS DE 200 AFGÃOS POR CADA RUSSO OU MENOS DE 70 VIETNAMITAS POR AMERICANO ....NESSAS ALTURAS A GUERRA GERALMENTE ACABA ATÉ PORQUE OS RUSSOS SÓ TÊM 30 MIL T-54 E T-55 DE RESERVA E NÃO OS PODEM GASTAR TODOS NO MESMO LADO E OBVIAMENTE O PROBLEMA DAS DROGAS COMO NO VIETNAME O TRIÂNGULO DAS PAPOILAS É AFGÃO LOGO....SEI LÁ 1991? E DEPOIS? GUERRA CIVIL ...COMO NA ETIÓPIA DE MENGISTU HAILÉ MARIAM QUE SUBSTITUI NA FÉ DOS RASTAFARI VERMELHOS HAILÉ SELASSIÉ? ENFIM 1984 MARCH IN MARX MARCHE AU BON MARCHÉ É COMO OS RESTANTES UM BOM ANO PARA A VENDA E COMPRA DE ARMAS ...E ESTE ANO ALGURES NUMA BASE DO MONTIJO DESTE MUNDO MAIS UM A-10 DEVE CAIR PERTO DE UMA VELHINHA E COM SORTE ATÉ LHE ACERTA ...RESUMINDO CONTINUAMOS VENDENDO OS EXCEDENTES MILITARES PARA MATAR FANÁTICOS DE ALLAH OU PESSOAL DO S.M.O DE SÁDIKO SAFADO VULGUS SAD ADAM...O NOVO SALADINO TEM UM SERVIÇO DE MORTE OBRIGATÓRIA COM MINAS ANTI-PESSOAL PORTUGUESAS GREGAS ALEMÃS SUECAS AMERICANAS RUSSAS CHINESAS ....JÁ OS IRANIANOS USAM-NAS MENOS POIS ANDAM MAIS AO ATAQUE QUE À DEFESA....E AO ATAQUE MORRE-SE MAIS

G-3 FRESQUINHAS

OBUSES DE 155 MM

COMO DISSE UM DIA O GAZUA

DESDE QUE O OUTRO SE FOI ABAIXO

ISTO JÁ DEVE TER DADO AÍ UMAS 500 CASAS COM PISCINA

ALI PARA OS LADOS AR MAÇÃO DE PERA E COUSO E TAL

TABUN

NERVE GAS .....INSECTICIDAS PARA IRANIANOS DE PRODUÇÃO NAZIONAL

PRECISAM-SE

A SAPEC SEMPRE PODIA ENVIAR QUALQUER COUSINHA

A BEM DA NAÇÃO

OS CIVIS TAMBÉM PRECISAM DE ENVIAR QUALQUER COUSINHA

PARA MATAR OS INFIÉIS

E FELIZMENTE COMO SÃO TODOS INFIÉIS

MANDAMOS MUNIÇÃO PRÓS DOIS LADOS

ALGUNS CRISTÃOS AO SERVIÇO DO PARTIDO LÁ VÃO CAINDO PELO CAMINHO

MAS DESDE O TEMPO DOS JANÍZAROS É ALGO NORMAL

CLORO PARA DESINFESTAÇÃO JÁ

SE BEM QUE AQUILO NÃO SEJA UMA PISCINA

G-3 PETROLEIRO AO FUNDO

GEE.....BATALHA NAVAL NO GOLFO DOS PERSAS SUJA MUITO....EM MARZO

IN MARCHA NOS IDOS DE MARÇO QUE JÁ FORAM

17 DE MARÇO OS IRANIANOS PRECISAM DE MAIS 200 CHAVES DE PLÁSTICO

E DE MAIS 200 MÁRTIRES AO SERVIÇO DE HÁ LÁ ...

HÁ LÁ?

ENTÃO NÃO HÁ...

SE NÃO HOUVESSE JÁ A GUERRA TINHA ACABADO

EM MENOS DE 20 ANOS TODO UM MUNDO SE TRANSFORMA 1990 A POPULAÇA PRISIONAL DOS U.S OF A ALCANÇA A CIFRA DE UM MILHÃO QUADRIPLICOU EM MENOS DE 20 ANOS TORNOU-SE UM NEGÓCIO COMO NA ÁFRICA DO SUL MANTER LARGAS FATIAS DA POPULAÇÃO DESEMPREGADA EM BANTUSTÕES EM GUETOS ECONÓMICOS E NAS PRISÕES 3 MILHÕES DE NORTE-AMERICANOS SOB CONTROLE JUDICIÁRIO 500 MIL JUNKIES IN THE GREAT NEW-YORK EM 7 MILHÕES DE NEY YORKERS 80 MIL HOMELESS GUYS É O FANTASMA AMERICANO QUE SE APROXIMA DA EUROPA COM 2/3 DOS VOTANTES ALIENADOS DAS ELEIÇÕES 10 A 15 % DOS AMERICANOS NEM ESTÃO RECENSEADOS E A DÍVIDA FEDERAL CRESCE A NÍVEIS IMPOSSÍVEIS 3,1 TRILIÕES DE DÓLARES ....OU 3,100 BILIÕES DOS SHORT BILIÕES DÍVIDA FEDERAL DÍVIDA EM 1989 AO EXTERIOR AUMENTOU MAIS 600 BILIÕES ...É ALGO IMPOSSÍVEL EM APENAS 15 ANOS APÓS O FIM DA GUERRA DO VIETNAME OS U.S OF A PASSARAM DE MAIOR CREDOR MUNDIAL PARA MAIOR DEVEDOR

OS AMERICANOS AQUI SÃO MAGROS ATLÉTICOS

NERVOSOS VIVEM NA CITY FAZEM FITNESS

A OBESIDADE É A DOS INGLESES DESEMPREGADOS

DOS GORDOS E SUPER-GORDOS DO WELFARE STATE DOS HIDRATOS DE CARBONO

HÁ UNS MESES A 9 DE NOVEMBRO DE 1989 OS ALEMÃES SALTAVAM O MURO

EM MASSA E ABREM O CAMINHO AO ESVAZIAMENTO INDUSTRIAL EUROPEU

SÃO OS ARAUTOS DE 300 MILHÕES DE EUROPEUS DE LESTE QUE QUEREM OS

LUXOS DA EUROPA

E ESTÃO DISPOSTOS A PAGÁ-LOS FAZENDO HORAS EXTRA

LIBERDADE E PODER DE COMPRA

QUE TERMOS ANTAGÓNICOS

NÃO HÁ LIBERDADE NO PODER DE COMPRA DUM CONSUMISMO BRUTAL

DUMA ERA DO OBSOLETO DESDE AQUELE POBRE IDIOTA EM 1983

A QUEM A MÃE DIVORCIADA COMPRA UM COMPUTADOR AO FILHO ÚNICO

COM UM SALÁRIO MISERÁVEL POIS O FILHO VAI SER ENGENHEIRO

ENGENHEIRO TÊXTIL OUTRA DAS BACORADAS DO PASSOS QUE É MORGADO

BRIGADEIRO POR INTEIRO

PARA FAZER O QUÊ? PERGUNTEI EU

ORA PARA FAZER PADRÕES.....

PADRÕES DE TECIDOS NUMA COVILHÃ ARRUINADA

COM DEZENAS DE TINTURARIAS FECHADAS

SEM IDEIAS SENÃO VENDER BARATO E COPIAR PADRÕES DUM COMPUTADOR

ALEATÓRIO

O COMPUTADOR PODERÁ SER PROGRAMADO SEGUNDO OS GOSTOS FUTUROS

E OS HOMENS?

OS DE 1983 E OS DE 1990 SÃO IGUAIS

PENSAM QUE TER UM CURSO LHES GARANTE CAPACIDADE PARA PENSAR

FRUSTADOS DE LIBERDADE E PODER DE COMPRA

1990 REPETE EM TODOS OS MODOS O PORTUGAL DE ABRIL

QUE QUER UM TOYOTA A CADA PORTA OU UM FIAT 124 OU 125 OU UM 600

OU UM MINI EM 2ª MÃO

E UMA ENCICLOPÉDIA

E UMA MÁQUINA DE LAVAR PARA SUBSTITUIR OS TANQUES DE CIMENTO

DA SECIL

E A SECIL PRODUZ O QUÊ? CASAS ...POSTES DE ELECTRICIDADE

QUE A REVOLUÇÃO ASPIRA A TER TELEVISÃO

PARA QUÊ? VITÓRIA TOTAL DO CONSUMISMO

E SEM TER HAVIDO A TÃO PROMETIDA BATALHA

É O FIM OU O PRINCÍPIO DO FIM

DE QUALQUER MODO GARANTE AO DÓLAR A SUPREMACIA MUNDIAL

PODEM CONTINUAR A IMPRIMIR SEM QUE HAJA AMANHÃ

E OS ESCUDOS E AS PESETAS DA NATO OU DA OTAN IDEM

60 MIL DROGADOS NOS U.S OF A NOS ANOS 60

A TERCEIRA GUERRA DO ÓPIO FOI GANHA PELOS VIETNAMITAS

UMA INDÚSTRIA EM EXPANSÃO ...O CAVALO A HEROA

60 BILIÕES DE DOSES VENDIDAS EM 1989 CALCULAM OS U.S OF A

E NOVAS DROGAS APARECEM AO SOM DA GRANADA TV ....RAVE'S....

MÚSICA ELECTRÓNICA PASTILHAS ....ÁCIDO LISÉRGICO

PARECE O ALENTEJO AFOGADO EM DROGAS DOS ANOS 80'S

60 BILIÕES DE DOSES A DIVIDIR POR 300 DIAS A 2 DOSES AO DIA

OU MESMO A 4 DÁ DEZENAS DE MILHÕES DE UTILIZADORES

CONSUMIDORES

SE COMPARARMOS COM OS 200 MIL NOS ANOS 20 EM COCA IN MORFINA E HEROÍNA

É UM GRANDE SALTO

É UM SALTO PARA UMA DÍVIDA COLOSSAL

COMO A CHINESA NO SÉCULO XIX

1981...DO LADO ERRADO DO DIA...DO RIO....DO LADO ERRADO DO MUNDO DO LADA (CARRO SOVIÉTICO) DO ANO 1991 ISSO SIM É UM ANO SIMÉTRICO 1981 É UM ANO FROUXO MOLE QUE NÃO SE DEFINE ..PERGUNTEI AO MORGADO DOS TRANSPORTES DO SALAZARISTÃO UM GRUPO RODOVIÁRIO CRIVADO DE DÍVIDAS QUE A NACIONALIZAÇÃO TORNOU NA RODOVIÁRIA NAZIONAL DE CORPORAÇÃO PRIVADA A PÚBLICA POUCA DIFERENÇA FAZ PARA OS GASEADOS E ESGAZEADOS TRANSPORTADOS ...PERGUNTEI SE QUERIA COMPETIR .....APOSTAR QUEM TEM AS MELHORES NOTAS COMO FIZ NO 9º ANO E ME SAFOU DOS EXAMES NAZIONAIS ELIMINATÓRIOS ABAIXO DA FASQUIA DE 35 VALORES NO CONJUNTO DAS DISCIPLINAS E SEM NOTAS INFERIORES A 3 COMO FOI O EXAME ...NÃO FAÇO A MÍNIMA TIVE 5 E 4'S SUFICIENTES PARA EVITAR ESSA REPETIÇÃO DA PROVA DE AFERIÇÃO QUE O NOVO ESTADO FEZ NO 7º ANO....OU FOI NO 8º? SE BEM ME LEMBRO O SISTEMA EDUCATIVO DO NOVO ESTADO E DO VELHO ESTADO NOVO É MUITO SEMELHANTE ....FOI UM AR DE MUDANÇA QUE SE LHE DEU....A PRIMINHA FEZ O PROPEDÊUTICO DORMIU COM BUARCOS DE GAJOS E PENSA QUE É DOUTORA REPETINDO AS PARVOÍCES QUE LHE DEBITAM SOBRE A GORDURA NÃO SOLDAR ...ORA SE ASSIM FOSSE AQUELES SARGENTOLAS GORDOS PARA SEREM COSTURADOS NO BAIXO-VENTRE ONDE AS MINAS OS ESVENTRARAM TERIAM FICADO MUITO MAIS MAGROS NA PÓS OPERAÇÃO SE LHES TIVESSEM RASPADO TODA A GORDURA ....ENFIM TUDO ISTO PARA DIZER QUE A PRIMINHA QUE É TÃO ADULTA QUE ATÉ FODE COM GENTE DE MAIOR IDADE SEGUNDO DIZIAM AS MÁS LÍNGUAS OU AS BOAS NÃ SEY NÃO OBSERVA CRITICAMENTE O MUNDO ACREDITA PELA FÉ....E PELA FÉ O BELO MORGADO DA RODOVIÁRIA NAZIONALIZADA NOSSA RESPONDEU-ME PARA QUÊ?.....E EU REPETI SIM PARA QUÊ.....AFINAL ÉS MAIS ESTÚPIDO DO QUE EU PENSAVA....PORQUE COMPETIR DÁ PRAZER...O JOGO É A PARTE INTERESSANTE MAS JOGAR SÓ TEM INTERESSE SE HÁ COMPETIÇÃO

FAZER BATOTA OU COMPETIR COM RETARDADOS MENTAIS

NÃO DÁ SATISFAÇÃO

E O SISTEMA EDUCATIVO É SÓ MEMORIZAÇÃO

DE ESQUEMAS DE FÓRMULAS QUE ABREM PARA O NADA

TRIGONOMETRIA PURA? QUAIS AS APLICAÇÕES

FAZEMOS ISTO PARA QUÊ?

COM QUE FIM DESENHAR ESTES CÍRCULOS

NÃO SE PERGUNTA PORQUE SE ESTUDA, ESTUDA-SE

NEM POR QUE SE ESTÁ VIVO VIVE-SE

MAS IO NUNCA ESTUDEI NA VIDA

E FRANCAMENTE TENHO DÚVIDAS SE ESTOU MESMO VIVO....

COMPETIR CONSIGO PRÓPRIO

SÓ NA MASTURMAÇÃO NAÇÃO

CORPORATIVISMUS SUNT .....

É UM ESTADO CORPORATIVISTA O DO ANO VII DA RÊVE LOUCÃO

É O BELO NOVO ESTADO QUE DERIVA DOS BELO'S VELHOS ESTADOS

QUE SE DIZIAM NOVOS

É UMA NAÇÃO SENIL QUE SE ALEVANTA

E NA SENILIDADE PRAECOX SE DEITA

NAS PRIMEIRAS SEMANAS OS PACATOS ANIMAIS DESPROVIDOS DE SENTIDO DE GOSTO COMO TODAS AS AVES DIGA-SE DE PASSAGEM COMEÇAM A DEBICAR EM TUDO O QUE MEXE OU ESTÁ PARADO POR SER UM PEDAÇO DE PLÁSTICO PREGUIÇOSO A AUTÓPSIA REVELA PERFURAÇÃO DO ESÓFAGO TERÃO MORRIDO POR ISSO? ACRESCENTO NO RELATÓRIO SUICIDARAM-SE DEBICANDO NO PLÁSTICO POIS A VIDA AQUI DENTRO É CHATA COMO O CARAÇAS MAS AS RAÇÕES DA PROVIMA SÃO EXCELENTES EMBORA AS GALINHAS E DEMAIS AVES ACHEM QUE FALTA SAL....RESUMINDO DESTA VEZ O EMPREGO SÓ DUROU 5 SEMANAS....AVES MÍOPES VORAZES AS GALINHAS DE CANTÃO ATÉ COMEM SERPENTES....OU SÃO OS CHINESES? E CHAMAM-LHES ENGUIAS DAS SILVAS DIZ HO-CHI-MING ENQUANTO COMEMOS CAMARÕES DAS SILVAS TOSTADOS E COM MEL ....FICO COM UMAS ASINHAS NOS DENTES E CUSPO UMAS CABEÇAS DE GAFANHOS QUE SÃO EXTRA CRUNCHY PRÓ MEU DES GOSTO E RATOS? AHHH GAMOS DOMÉSTICOS MUITO BONS MAS SÓ DOS PEQUENINOS DIZ OH-CHICHI-MING GAROTA MUY INTELECTUAL QUE SERVE DE ARRIMO SEXUALIS A TUTTI MESSIEUR LE PROFESSEUR DE LA SORBONNE? OU DUM INSTITUTO QUALQUER DE RECHERCHE OU RESEARCH TAMBÉM HÁ UNS BRIT'S E POLACUS COMEM-SE SALGADOS NO SUL E TEMPERADOS COM VINAGRE NO NORTE SOUR MICE....RATO ÁCIDO...NO YANG-TSÉ INSONSOS NO HAI-NAN ATÉ COMEM MOSCAS DIZ O SENHOR PROFESSOR DOUTOR QUE FAZ PESQUISAS GINECOLÓGICAS AU BON PEUPLE CHINOIS.....DES MOUCHES ROUGES COZIDAS EN PETIT PIÉCES VON BAMBU....BAMBUSÁCEAS....

DESDE 1700 BEFORE CHRIST QUE OS BABILÓNIOS FOGEM DOS CAMPOS

 PARA A CIDADE

IRRIGAÇÃO DOS CAMPOS POR MOULINS DE VENTO OBVIAMENTE

OS BABILÓNIOS TAMBÉM O FAZIAM DIZ-SE....

QUEM O DIZ? OS BABILÓNIOS DE CERTEZINHA QUE NÃO O DIZEM

DE RESTO AQUI NA EQUIPA NÃO HÁ NEM UM.....

E CHINESAS TAMBÉM SÓ HÁ UMA

E JÁ TEM 6 FRANCESES EM CIMA

E INDA DIZEM QUE HÁ UM CHINÊS PARA CADA CINCO.....

AQUI FALTAM CHINESES E ESPECIALMENTE CHINESAS

E LÁ NA CHINA TAMBÉM DEVEM COMEÇAR A FALTAR MUITAS

FORNALHAS SOLARES CONSTRUÍDAS NOS SÉCULOS XVII E XVIII

E MESMO NO XX....MAS POR AQUI NÃO HÁ UM ÚNICO FORNO SOLAR

UM  DESTILADOR SOLAR OU MESMO UMA COZINHA SOLAR

TRAZEMOS 30 TONELADAS DE GASÓLEO

FICA MAIS BARATO....

A GUERRA IRÃO-IRAQUE JÁ ACABOU?

INDA NÃO? GENTE MAIS PREGUIÇOSA AHN....

SORGO CAMPOS DE SORGO APARECEM NO ALENTEJO ....NÃO TÊM GRÃO MAS TÊM SUBSÍDIO FENACHO ....FENO GREGO Trigonella foenum-graecum uma espécie quase trinominal...ATRAVESSO OS CAMPOS PORQUÊ ...PORQUE O GAJO DA RUA MAÇÓNICA DO DAMIÃO GÓIS ME DISSE QUE HÁ UM MONTE COM GENTE QUE TEM UMAS ANTIQUALHAS E ELE NÃO TEM TEMPO PARA MIUDEZAS COMO TODOS OS DA SUA IGUALHA ...É COUSA PARA DAR 2 CONTOS DIZ ELE....PARA QUEM? PERGUNTO EU...ORA ISSO LOGO SE VÊ DIZ O SENHOR DOUTOR ANTIQUÁRIO.....IRMÃO OU TIO DO OUTRO QUE ANDA NOS PAPÉIS HIGIÉNICOS DO SÉCULO XVIII OU PRIMO OU OUTRA MERDA QUALQUER....A RALÉ É POUCO CURIOSA SOBRE A GENEALOGIA DUS SEUS MELHORES

APANHEI BOLEIA ATÉ MEIO DE ARRAIOLOS E HÁ 16 QUILÓMETROS OU 30?

QUE NÃO APANHO NENHUMA E CARREGO 20 QUILOS DE CARGA

HÁ NA ESTRADA PINHEIROS VELHOS APRESENTAM A DEFICIÊNCIA TÍPICA DE BORO

E ZINCO POR CORTES SUCESSIVOS NOS ÚLTIMOS 50 OU 60 ANOS E REPLANTAÇÃO NO

MESMO LUGAR OU SEJA NO BURACO DO ANTERIOR PELA JUNTA AUTÓNOMA DAS

ESTRADAS NESTE ANO DE 1988? 89? A SANGRIA DA RESINA NÃO EXISTE MAIS POR

AQUI OS TRABALHOS MONÓTONOS E REPETITIVOS JÁ NÃO TÊM FIÉIS

ROTINAS APELAM A PADRES DE ALCOBAÇA RITUALÍSTICOS

TOPO DO GLACIAR ...FENDAS VÁRIAS POIS VELOCIDADE À SUPERFÍCIE É MAIOR DO QUE NO FUNDO....E O FUNDO MUITO FENDILHADO PROVAVELMENTE ESTÁ A 400 OU 500 METROS ....MAIOR TAMBÉM DO QUE NAS BRUTAS MARGENS QUE O COMPRIMEM POIS O ATRITO RETARDA O MOVIMENTO....MAS AQUI HÁ POUCAS MARGENS ....SÉRACS ....SUNT MUITAS LAS FENDAS N'EL GLACIAR ALGURES NO SÉCULO XX (1999) BLOCOS DE GELO ISOLADAS PELAS CREVASSES

Um serac - galicismo de sérac - é um bloco de gelo de grandes dimensões, fragmentado e gretado, pertencente a um glaciar, e cuja ruptura se deve ao .STRESS...

1º LEILÃO DA TRIMARA EBORENSE NA PRAÇA DO GIRALDO DO GERALDES EL 

SEM PAVOR MAIS UMA LEILOEIRA QUE DESAPARECE NA ALTA INFLAÇÃO DOS ANOS 

80 E NOS JUROS DA DÍVIDA ACUMULADOS À PRESSÃO

ANO DE 1988? 1989? MAÇOS DE SCIENCE ET VIE VENDIDOS AO TRIPLO DO PREÇO 

DOS DE LISBOA ....E O PREÇO DO PAPEL JÁ VAI NOS 8 ESCUDOS PER KILO....

O LIXO ESTÁ CARO COMO U CARA??? CARAÇAS? CARAGO? CARALHO?

NON NON ......

QUARTEL-GENERAL UM CORONEL CAIU E QUEBROU A PESCOCEIRA NAS ESCADAS

MAIS UM TENENTE-CORONEL QUE VAI SER PROMOVIDO ESTE MÊS....

ERA PAI DE UMA RAPARIGA DE IDADE INDETERMINADA HÓSPEDE

DA MESSE DE OFICIAIS ONDE A RALÉ QUE ABRIL ABRIU NÃO ENTRA

E TAMBÉM NÃO SAI....

DIA TAL PELAS TANTAS HORAS AS FP-25 ABRIRAM UM BURACO 

NO LATIFÚNDIO AO LADO DA GARE DA RODOVIÁRIA NACIONAL....

HÁ MUITA GUARDA DE ASSALTO E POLÍCIA URBANIZADA 

CONTINUAMOS A TER NAS FORÇAS POLICIAIS E MILITARIZADAS

UMA GRANDE FONTE DE EMPREGO E BOMBEIROS VOLUNTÁRIOS 

MAIS DE 30 COM OS MUNICIPAIS E NADA ESTÁ A ARDER

E A REVELOUCÃO JÁ VAI QUASE NA PRÉ-ADOLESCÊNCIA 



 

APANHEI TIFO.....EM ÁFRICA....QUAIS AS PROBABILIDADES NUM INFERNO INFESTADO DE MALÁRIA APANHAR FEBRE TIFÓIDE ...DIZ LE MÉDICIN C'EST BON C'EST UNE SOUPE DE ARTEMISIA ANNUA LES THIOPHÉNES TUE LE MOSQUITO ET AS ARTEMISINAS MATAM O PLASMODIUM CRISÂNTEMOS DOURADOS EM SOPA EN AFRIQUE ET POUR LE THYPOIDE DES TISANES? NON NON BON DIEU ....VOUS N'AVEZ PAS DE TEMPERATURE PRESQUE....37ºC HIER 42º....C'EST BON, C'EST LA BONNE CHANCE ....REGRESSO A PORTUCALE AS MATRÍCULAS JÁ DERAM A VOLTA WWAGEN ESTÁ NA MODA 51-83-?? WICTOR WASSER UM CARRO NOVO DO MILÉNIO COM UM COM UM QUARENTÃO E UMA MIÚDA COM IDADE PARA TER SAÍDO DO 6ºANO HÁ POUCO RECTA DE PEGÕES IMPORTAÇÃO DO BLOCO DE LESTE OU PRODUTO NAZIONAL DA CASA PIA TANTO FAZ É O RENOVAR DA EXPO98 OU DOUTROS EXCESSOS DO NOVO-RIQUISMO DA RECONSTRUÇÃO CIVIL DESDE O ASSASSINO DA ESTRADA DE AZEITÃO PARA ROUBAR 15 CONTOS DA MALA DA PROSTITUIÇÃO ADOLESCENTE A ISTO É UM PAÍS DE BONS COSTUMES IMUTÁVEL

UMA ABANANTE DE LARGAS MAMIFERIDADES GLOCAVA NO MOVENTE

(FALAVA NO TELEMÓVEL) UNHAS CURTAS, FERIDAS NAS MÃOS, 

O ANELZITO DA PRAXE, A FITA DE SÃO ...DO SENHOR DO BONFIM

Ô COISA KU VALHA A FITA QUE SE USA ATÉ SE DESFAZER

COMO CHAMEGO AH E ESQUECIA-ME SARDAS INDICADOR

DE PROVENIÊNCIA NORTENHA

APESAR DE NUTRICIONALMENTE AVANTAJADA, CABIA NUMAS CALÇAS DE GANGA

E NUMAS BOTIFARRAS, QUEIXO DUPLO MAS UM CONJUNTO ASSAZ ENGRAÇADO

POR TRÁS...A MININA DO TELEMÓVEL TRIM-TLIM PERTENCE A UMA DAQUELAS

ASSOCIAÇÕES EM QUE UM LENÇO VERDE E VERMELHO AO PESCOÇO

MOCHILAS E CALÇÕES CURTOS COM MEIAS BRANCAS ATRAEM MACHOS

COM BONS OUVIDOS (ESCUTAS) QUE GOSTAM DE ACTIVIDADES AO NATURAL

E DE TRAZER UMA FACA DE MATO NA PERNINHA

UM DROGIE NO AUTOCARRO SAI E OLHA DE ESGUELHA PARA A FACA DA MIÚDA

E DEPOIS PÕE-SE A GRITAR É PÁ, Ó CARALHO, ABRAM A PORTA

ESQUECEU-SE DO DINHEIRO PARA A DOSE NO AUTOCARRO

UNS DOIS CONTOS E PICOS TALVEZ MAIS....A MIÚDA SARDENTA ESTICA-SE

E FÁ-LOS DESAPARECER NUM ÁPICE, SEMANA APÓS SEPTIMANA

OS DROGIES DO COSTUME PARA A DOSE DA TARDE EM PEREGRINAÇÃO A LISBOA

A MENINA DAS CALÇAS DE NAPA QUE ANDA AO ATAQUE DE ÓCULOS ESCUROS

E MAIS À TARDINHA OUTROS VÃO COMPRAR PASTILHAME MAIS BARATO

O ECSTASY DAS NOITES DA GRANADA TV NOS ANOS DE 90 E SEGUINTES

CHEGARAM A LISBOA EM FORÇA E SÓ DEMORARAM UNS 9 ANOS E PICOS

ACHO QUE É UMA QUESTÃO DE PREÇO AQUI GRANDE CENTRO DE CONSUMO

TEM PREÇOS MAIS BARATOS QUE NO BURGO

MAS SE TODO O TRÁFICO VEM DO SUL COMO É ISSO POSSÍVEL

MISTÉRIOS

AGRESSIVOS OS ESCUTEIROS QUE DEMANDAM LISBOA PARA A DOSE

DE DESIDRATAÇÃO NOCTURNA ...TERÃO MUDAS DE ROUPA NAS MOCHILAS

AGRESSIVOS LEGALMENTE OUTROS DROGADOS COM FACAS DAQUELAS

À MOSTRA IAM PRESOS...É UMA QUESTÃO DE CLASSE....

O TROCADILHO DOS ESCUTAS E DOS BONS OUVINTES PASSOU-ME RAPIDAMENTE

É UM TROCADILHO DE PAÍS

DO SEBASTIANISMO DO EMBUÇADO FADISTA - SÁ CARNEIRO MORREU ASSADO JÁ SE FAZEM PIADAS AOS MONTES E AOS TORRESMOS SOBRE O MESSIAS DAS TRÊS SETAS COPIADAS À ALEMANHA PRÉ-NATSOZI SOZIAL-DEMOKRATAS CHORAM O MESSIAS OS FUZETAS DAS PONTES SUSPIRAM PELA DÉBACLE DO REGIME ORA É O FIM DO REGIME ORA É O COMEÇO DO NOVO....HISTERIA POLÍTICA QUE SE RESUME A UNS QUANTOS MALUCOS ....ANTE HONTEM INDA CHASQUEEI DIZENDO QUE O SOARES CARNEIRO INDA IA VIRAR SIDÓNIO AFINAL A MILITARIA PREFERIU O SÁ ....ERA MAIS SECCO DE CARNES E TINHA PENCA DE FARISEU

TINHA ALGO DE MESSIÂNICO NOS GESTOS

NA MONOTONIA DO VERBO

NA COLOCAÇÃO HISTÉRICA DA VOZ

RESUMINDO TIRANDO O TIMBRE

ERA O NEGATIVO DO SOARES OU DO CUNHAL....

SE BEM QUE NEGATIVO DE U$M PAR DE NEGATIVÕES

O QUE MUDA COM A MORTE DO MESSIAS?

NADA

OUTRO O SUBSTITUIRÁ

OUTRA BANCARROTA SE SEGUIRÁ

À ÚLTIMA

E NUM CRESCENDO AS NOTAS DE 20 E DE 50 E DE 100

DESAPARECERÃO DA CIRCULAÇÃO

DEPOIS AS DE 500 E DAQUI A UNS DEZ ANOS OU MENOS

TEREMOS MOEDAS DE 1000 E 2000 ESCUDOS

OU QUIÇÁ DE 5000$00 EM PRATA DE TANTAS MILÉSIMAS

É O MITO DO OBELISCO NEGRO

TORNADO REALIDADE

VIM DE ALMADÉN VENDEMOS E INSTALÁMOS UM SISTEMA DE BOMBAGEM DE LUXO PARA UMA MINA QUE BREVEMENTE VAI VIRAR MUSEU...OU COUSA QUE O VALHA ....VAI FUNCIONAR? QUIEN SABE KEMOSABE ...RECEBI 169 MIL E 458 PESOSAS OU PESETAS TANTO FAX ....AS TELES DE ALBERGARIA FORAM JANTAR COM UM GRUPO DE LATIFUNDIÁRIOS E A MAIS NOVA OU A MAIS SIMPÁTICA OU A MAIS GIRA CONVIDOU-ME A IR COM ELES ...NEM SEQUER DISCUTIRAM NA PARTILHA DA CONTA TUTTO IGUALITÁRIO NA COVILHÃ AQUI HÁ UNS ANOS ERIA CUSTADO 165$00 HOJE......ENFIM É RARO AGENTE AL MOÇAR OU JANTAR COM OS TIERRATENIENTES DESTE LABREGÓRIO GENTE MUY DEMOCRÁTICA A DIVIDIR PARA REINAR AS CONTAS DO AL MOÇO AO JANTAR

ESTÃO NA MESA UNS 30 A 50 MIL HECTARES DA NOVA P.A.C

SÓ FALTA A CÁ POU LÁ DES SANTOLAS AGORA A NOVA PRESIDENTE DOS JOVENS

AGRICULTORES CARGO QUE OCUPA COM 18 ANOS E TERRAS EM MONTEMOR

QUE DÃO PARA UM PEQUENO FEUDO MUY FEUDAL

POR ACASO SÃO DAS DUAS LATIFUNDIÁRIAS COM QUEM SIMPATIZO

JÁ A MAIS VELHA DAS TELES DE AL BERG'GRANDE AREA E É GOLO

NÃO ME GOSTA POIS MIM TROÇAVA CUM NOME DOS TELES QUE ERAM GRILOS

ENGENHEIROS NON TAURO AUTOMÁTICOS E PICOLOS AGRICULTORES

COM MENOS DE 2000 HECTARES OU SEJA MENOS DE 25 KILÓMETROS CARRÉS

QUE É A MAIS BAIXA PARCELA N'ESTA MESA

ENFIM COMO DIZ MARIANO DITTO O FEYO SÃO UMA CLIQUE DE HONTEM

DE HOJE E DE AMANHÃ

E OLHA QUE DE TODOS NÃO FUI O QUE MAIS COMI

MAS COM A SOBREMESA FIQUEI EM TERCEIRO NOS GASTOS

ORA SENDO ELES CINCO FICO DENTRO DA MÉRDIA

OU É DA MODA....

NON É DA MÉRDIA MESMO

OUTRO DA CLIQUE TROUXE UM CARRINHO DE GOLFE AMARELO

DESCAPOTÁVEL PARA SE DESLOCAR DENTRO DUMA URBE DE UNS QUILÓMETROS

DE RAIO....JÁ TEM PEGADO A ELE UMA POBREZINHA PARA LHE AQUECER A CAMA

MAS NÃO QUIZ VIR JANTAR CONNOSCO PORQUE HAVIA RALÉ NO GRUPO

E PREFERIU IR MONTAR A RALÉ DELE QUE POR ACASO É GRANDE

MAIOR QU'ELLE GIRA E COM GRANDES LEITEIRAS

SE BEM QUE TENHA UMA VERRUGA ENORME NA TESTA....

ESTA GERAÇÃO VAI SUBIR NA VIDA COMO SE COSTUMA DIZER

E JÁ PARTEM BEM DO ALTO

AQUELE SENHOR DIZ UMA VELHOTA DA AVENIDA JOÃO XXI OU CERCANIAS TEM OS DOIS ÚNICOS MIÚDOS NO PRÉDIO TODO ...DIZ UM VELHOTE AO LADO .....NÃO SÃO DELE. SÃO ALUGADOS A CONTO E QUINHENTOS POR DIA....OU POR NOITE DEPENDE ....E NESTE ANO DE 1992 OS ACORDOS DE LIMITAÇÃO DAS FORÇAS SEMI-DESARMADAS PARECEM DEIXAR EXÉRCITOS MUITO DISPENDIOSOS E DE POUCA VALIA NUMA GUERRA NÃO NUCLEARIZADA RÚSSIA PODE MANTER 1 MILHÃO 450 MIL EFECTIVOS

ALEMANHA 345 MIL

USA NA EUROPA 100 MIL....DUVIDOSO POIS A NATO OU A OTAN TÊM TODO O LESTE

PARA SE EXPANDIR MAS O TRATADO PERMITE AUMENTAR ATÉ 250 MIL....

UKRÂNIA 450 MIL ....UM EXÉRCITO DESPORPORCIONADO PA QUEM ABDICA

 DOS NUKES E FICA COM MILHÕES DE EX-SOVIETES NO SEU SEIO ECONÓMICA

MENTE DEVASTADO POR CHERNOBILHA E PELO FIM DA UNIÃO

SOVIÉTICA OU COMERCIAL PARA O CASO TANTO FAZ

BIELORRÚSSIA 100 MIL....

TURQUIA QUE ESTÁ COM UMA DEMOGRAFIA DE PESO 500 MIL SOLDADOS

E OBVIAMENTE ADMITO-O O DOBRO DOS GENERAIS DO EXÉRCITO PORTUGUÊS

TEM A HONRA DÚBIA DE SEGURAR A FRENTE LESTE DUMA EUROPA

QUE ARRASOU O IRAQUE A BEM DUMA ESTABILIDADE MUITO TÉNUE

NO MÉDIO ORIENTE

QUE SÓ SUBSISTE GRAÇAS AO MASSACRE DAS MINORIAS E DAS MAIORIAS

MASSACRES OCASIONAIS

E CÂMARAS DE GÁS A CÉU ABERTO POUCO EFICIENTES

MATA QUE É DE CÁCERES EM CETOBRIGA PROGRAMA POLIS - O MOTE BOM ALÉM DUMA CASSETE PIRATA GRÁTIS COM UMA CANÇÃO A FAVOR DO CACIQUE ESTA NOVA RE-ELEIÇÃO DU GRAN SENHOR DO BETON ARMÉE -SETÚBAL CIDADE BEM FADADA DIZ O PROSPECTO NÃO SE TERIAM ENGANADO NÃO SERIA BEM FODIDA ? BEM VINDO À NOVA FORMA DE VIVER SETÚBAL ....A ANTIGA NÃO PRESTAVA?

POR ACASO O JOÃO VASCO DA  GAMA LEMBRA-ME O MATA QUE É DE CÁCERES

FRASES VAZIAS QUE TAMBÉM NÃO ERAM DELE

RESUMINDO UM DEMAGOGO DE MERDA

QUE VAI DEIXAR O PAÍS MAIS POBRE QUANDO BATER AS BOTAS

FICÁMOS MAIS POBRES ......

AI FICÁMOS FICÁMOS

VIVER SETÚBAL

PROGRAMA POLIS

É COM ENORME ORGULHO QUE ANUNCIO A CHEGADA DO PROCESSO POLIS

(É UM PROCESSO....) À NOSSA ( A DELES ) CIDADE....

MANEL DA MATA QUÉ DE CÁCERES O PROFESSORZINHO PRIMÁRIO QUE É DE CACE RÊS E QUE O 25 DE AVRIL DEU ÀS REUNIÕES SINDICAIS DA STELA MARIS É O NOVO CACIQUE DA TERREOLA VENCENDO O IMPERIALISMO DO RUBLO ....TCHI QUE DIFERENÇA DOS CACIQUES MILITARES E ENGENHEIROS QUE O ESTADO NOVO DAVA OU EMPRESTAVA À CONSTRUÇÃO CIVIL....ESTA É A PRIMEIRA VEZ QUE UM MESTRE ESCOLA VAI SUBIR DE BUIÇA PARA TODO O SERVIÇO PARA PATO BRAVO DO BETÃO ARMADO...E DO CALCETAMENTO DE RUAS RUELAS E OUTRAS PARALELOPIPIDADES QUE ENCHEM O OLHO A TODOS OS FORNECEDORES DE HABITAÇÃO SOCIAL E SIMILAR QUE IRÁ SUBSTITUIR AS BARRACAS E AS VIELAS DECADENTES E HISTÓRICAS DA VILA QUE PEDRO O QUINTO DEU À URBANIDADE OU À HUMANIDADE PARA O CASO TANTO FAX...ORA NUMA CIDADE QUE CAI AOS BOCADOS E ONDE A INDÚSTRIA E O TURISMO E O TERRORISMO JÁ TIVERAM MELHORES DIAS O QUÉ QUE ESTE PÁ TE GO....BAI DAR À LUZ....

UM CANDEEIRO EM CADA ESQUINA?

MAIS FIBROCIMENTO DA SECIL?

MAIS UM RAVINAMENTO NA SERRA COBERTO A BETÃO

MAIS PÓ DE CIMENTO PARA RESPIRAR?

MAIS UNS TERRAÇOS EXTRA PARA DAR EXPLOSIVOS AOS PRÓXIMOS

DEFENSORES DO POVO

REBENTEI COM O BOCA DE SAPO DO ENGENHEIRO ....

OU QUEIMEI O BARCO DO VELGES ....É PRA ELES APRENDEREM

A NÃO SEREM RICOS

DE FACTO O 25 DE AVRIL TROUXE ALÉM DE OBRAS PARADAS

E DE RUÍNAS A DESFAZEREM-SE NAS RENDAS DE 20$00

QUE A REPÚBLICA ESTAGNOU PARA DAR TECTO A POBREZINHOS

VAI PARA MAIS DE MEIO SÉCULO

TROUXE MESSIAS EM BARDA

QUE TRARÃO PROGRESSO E INDÚSTRIA

QUE PROGRESSO? LEITE GRESSO COM SABOR A REVOLUÇÃO?

MAS ISSO NÃO É LEITE AZEDO?

QUE INDÚSTRIA?

A QUE JÁ EXISTIA E ESTAVA ULTRAPASSADA

OBVIAMENTE ADMITO-O.....

CINZA....COBRE OS CAMPOS ....ESTÁ TUDO A ARDER...É UMA COR DA INDEFINIÇÃO ACHO QUE APANHEI ISTO DA EDUCAÇÃO VISUAL ....E TAL CORES PRIMÁRIAS CORES QUETES OU FRIAS E O CINZENTO ESTÁ NO MEIO DO EU? OU DO CÉU OU DO SEU? AYRADO PELO SOL (IN) DEFINIÇÃO (À BOCADO É MAIS FÁCIL LER O QUE OUTROS PENSARAM QUE PENSAR POR MI PRÓPRIO...PORQUÊ? COMO DIRIA AQUELE GAJO DO 6º ANO QUE ME IA ABRINDO A CABEÇA CONTRA A PAREDE (PORQUE SIM....COMO OS HOI POLLOI DE SIRACUSA MATAM-NOS PORQUE PODEM....ERAM DE SIRACUSA? QUEM SABE...SE CALHAR ARQUIMEDES SOU ALTO DE MAIS PARA A IDADE QUE TENHO...CRESCEREI MAIS? ULTRAPASSO JÁ TODA A PROGENITURA EXCEPÇÃO FEITA AO HOMEM DO CHAPÉU PRETO E CORTE NOS PULMÕES NA DÉCADA DE 30....O VICIADO EM NICOTINA QUE NÃO FUMA HÁ 40 ANOS O MEU AVÔ PATERNO....TENS MÃOS PEQUENINAS DE MENINA OU DE PIANISTA MÃOS DE ARANHA DISSE ELE ...EU NUNCA TIVE MÃOS ASSIM COM A TUA IDADE JÁ LEVANTAVA SACAS DE TRIGO COM 50 QUILOS...REFERIA-SE A QUANDO IA LEVAR O TRIGO AOS SUBMARINOS ALEMÃES QUE ACOSTAVAM EM ESPANHA MAS OBVIAMENTE ESQUECEU-SE QUE ERA FARINHA E NÃO TRIGO E QUE ERA MAIS VELHO DO QUE EU POIS A GUERRA COMEÇOU EM 1914 E OS SUBMARINOS SÓ DEVEM TER ANDADO PELA COSTA PRÉ-GIBRALTAR A PARTIR DE 1915 OU 1916 ....DE RESTO FOI UMA COUSA QUE SÓ FEZ DUAS VEZES LOGO...POR VEZES SINTO QUE ME TRATA COM SOBRANCERIA POR OUTRO LADO TEM MAIS 60 E TAL ANOS DO QUE EU E LOGO ....TRATA O MEU PAI COM MAIS DESDÉM INTELECTUALMENTE FALANDO ...SE BEM QUE ABUELITO TENHA SÓ A 4ªCLASSE OU O SEU EQUIVALENTE THALASSA POIS LARGOU-A ANTES DA REPÚBLICA SE INSTALAR É UM VELHOTE MUITO ÁGIL NO CÁLCULO MENTAL E SABE LER EM DUAS LÍNGUAS SE BEM QUE O ESPAÑOL AQUI NA RAYA SEJA LINGUAJAR COMUM OS PRIMOS DE LEPE VIERAM FAZER UMA VISITA NÃO SÃO PRIMOS STRICTU SENSU SUNT PARENTES LIGAÇÕES ALDEÃS À GUERRA CIVIL COLONOS NA ANDALUZIA FALHA DE BRAÇOS ...ESCRAVOS DE FRANCISCO FRANCO...

ACEITEI AS COUSAS COMO ELAS ERAM

NUNCA ME INTERROGUEI  SOBRE OS PORQUÊS

AS RESPOSTAS INTERESSAM-ME MAS NÃO AS PROCURO....

PELO MENOS NÃO FAÇO MUITA QUESTÃO DISSO

RESUMINDO SOU TÃO PREGUIÇOSO QUE DEMOREI AS FÉRIAS DE VERÃO DE 1975 A ESCREVER ISTO....E ERA MAIS DUM MÊS DE FÉRIAS...A APANHAR AMÊNDOAS A VASCULHAR RESTOS DE SEMENTES ...A PRAIA? RARAMENTE...SÓ PRA APANHAR BERBIGÃO AMEIJOAS OSTRAS

HOSPITAL DE TAL E COUSO UMA VELHOTA DE 70 A 80 ANOS NASCIDA ENTRE 1903 E 1913 SEGUNDO A FICHA MAL ESCRITA NUMA LINGUAGEM BRUTAL QUE NÃO LHE CONFERE MAIS QUE DOUS DIAS DE EXISTÊNCIA GRITA PELOS COMPRIMIDOS DO COLESTEROL QUE INDA NÃO TOMOU ...TEM 40 QUILOS OU MENOS E UM METRO E CINQUENTA ERA FUNCIONÁRIA PÚBLICA TEM 276 CONTOS DE REFORMA GASTA 20 POR MÊS EM MEDICAMENTOS QUE NÃO SABE NEM QUER SABER COMO FUNCIONAM .....AH O MÉDICO MANDA A GENTE COMPRA E TOMA ....E É ASSI NÃO PENSAMOS OBEDECEMOS NÃO DISCUTIMOS ....NÃO PRECISAMOS PENSAR PORQUE ACREDITAMOS QUE HÁ INDIVÍDUOS ESCOLHIDOS PELA GRAÇA DE DEUS.....OS GAMAS QUE PENSAM MELHOR QUE NÓS

INDIVÍDUOS ESPECIALIZADOS EM PASSAR RECEITAS

COMO O PSIQUIATRA QUE A GUARDA REPUBLICANA ESBURACOU A TIROS DE G-3

NA DITA SERRA DOS ARRÁBIDOS

 QUANDO ELE ANDAVA A DAR CONSULTAS PRIVADAS

NA SERRA A 80 KILOMETRADAS POR HORA SABE-SE LÁ PORQUÊ

PORQUE A 40 KM AS CONSULTAS DEMORAM MAIS?

ENFIM SÃO MYSTHERIOS DA SERRA

PORQUE HÁ MENINAS QUE APRECIAVAM O AR DA SERRA

E  DOSES ELEVADAS DE VALIUM COM ÁLCOOL

ESPECIALIZADOS E COMPETENTES PARA PENSAR

QUE 25 COMPRIMIDOS DIÁRIOS PRESCRITOS A UMA VELHADAS DESIDRATADA

E COM A PELE A AFLORAR O OSSO

MAS COM ADSE PARA PAGAR CONSULTAS  PRIVADAS DE 16 CONTOS

É O MELHOR QUE HÁ PARA CONSERVAR A CLIENTELA

PAGAMOS PARA QUE PENSEM POR NÓS

É NECESSÁRIO ACABAR COM A MITOMANIA DE QUE O CIENTISTA PENSA MELHOR

TEM É MELHORES RELAÇÕES POLÍTICO-SOCIAIS-SEXUAIS

QUE LHE GARANTEM O TÍTULO

EXPRESSO DO CASAL VENTOSO - ANO DA GRAÇA DA HEROA A CAVALO ....DUE DROGIS FALANDO SOBRE UM GANG DE 16 TEEN'S DO VALE DA AMOREIRA E DO PICAPAU AMARELO QUE SAIRAM NO LAVRADIO INSULTANDO TODO O PESSOAL DENTRO DO COMBOIO ....INSULTAM O PESSOAL PÁ, SE RESPONDES PARTEM-TE TODO, NÃO PARAM. NÃO TÊM EMPATIA DIZ O EX-ALUNO DO 11º DA ALFREDO DA SELVA QUE ESTÁ A TIRAR O DOUTORAMENTO NO PÓ NA FACULDADE DO CASAL VENTOSO OU SEJA DOIS BANDOS DE OUTCAST'S CADA UM COM A SUA MORAL DE GRUPO...AS SUAS INTEGRATÓRIAS ...AQUELES SÃO SELVAGENS ...NÓS SOMOS SÓ JANADOS A CULPA É DO CAVALO DA HEROA DO PÓ ...NÃO É NOSSA É O VÍCIO QUE NOS COMANDA OU CU MANDA TANTO FAX

NÃO RESPEITAVAM O PESSOAL...OS CIVIS ...TÁS A VER

DUAS SINHORAS DIZIAM NÃO TINHAM CORRAÇÃO HUMANO

O QUE QUERR QU'ISSO QUEIRRA DIZERRR

UM DOS VULGARES CADASTRADOS (DIRIA SOARES)

TINHA TATOO'S NA CABEÇA BRAÇOS E LÓBULOS DAS ORELHAS

1998 UM SONHO EM ESCUDOS.....O TEMA DO SONHO É UM JANTAR COM COLEGAS....JANTAR PORQUÊ? COMO SEI QUE NÃO É ALMOÇO...PROVAVELMENTE PORQUE O SONHO TEM FALTA DE LUZ...QUE COLEGAS? SEM LEMBRANÇA DE QUEM ERAM MAS A IMPRESSÃO DO SONHO É DE FAMILARIEDADE UM TINHA UMA NOTA DE 2 CONTOS ...HÁ SEIS METADES DE FRANGO NO CHURRASCO ...O SONHO TEM CHEIRO BEM DEFINIDO APARECE A CONTA ...EU TINHA UMA DE 5 CONTOS QUE PARECIA DE 10 E RASGOU-SE AO MEIO...A CONTA ERAM 7 CONTOS E TAL ...POR 6 METADES DE FRANGO ERA CARO MAS ERA UM SONHO DE LUXO ....EH TANTO DISSE ALGUÉM (SE CALHAR O EU DO SONHO) ERAM 3600$00 MAIS O RESTO CALHAVA 1 CONTO E QUINHENTOS A CADA UM O QUE DAVA 5 PESSOAS

EMBORA PENSASSE QUE ERAM SEIS

UM COMEU À BORLA

BUEÑO PASSADAS UMAS HORAS O SONHO ESVAI-SE

A BURLA DA DONA BRANCA A QUEM O CÂMBIO DE DÓLARES E OURO NÃO RESISTIU À MENOR DEPRECIAÇÃO DO FRACO ESCUDO E A BOLHA DE PEDRO CALDEIRA E O CRASH BOLSISTA DESTE ANO DE 1987...SÃO UMA SÉRIE DE BOLHAS QUE MELANCIAS DE GAJOS ARRASTAM AO LONGO DE SÉCULOS - was distributed among several members of the government and their connexions, by way of bribe, to facilitate the passing of the bill. To the Earl of Sunderland was assigned 50,000l. of this stock; to the Duchess of Kendal, 10,000l.; to the Countess of Platen, 10,000l.; to her two nieces, 10,000l.; to Mr. Secretary Craggs, 30,000l.; to Mr. Charles Stanhope (one of the secretaries of the Treasury), 10,000l.; to the Sword-blade company, 50,000l. It also appeared that Mr. Stanhope had received the enormous sum of 250,000l. ASSI COMO EM 1977 O PAI E MÃE DA DEMOCRACIA CALA-TE BOCA ....OU OS 30 MIL CONTOS QUE O PCP ACUSAVA SÁ CARNEIRO DE NÃO TER DEVOLVIDO À PROCEDÊNCIA DECORRENTES DA ESPECULAÇÃO BOLSISTA NOS ANOS DE 71 A 74 ...ANTES DO CRASH DO CAPITALISMO POPULAR E DO FIM DAS BOAS ACÇÕES DA TORRALTA E LISNAVE E DAS OUTRAS QUE APARECIAM NO JOGO DA BOLSA DA MAJORA ...OU NÃO ERA DA MAJORA ...DEVIA SER ERA O MONOPÓLIO DOS BRINQUEDOS DO SALAZARISTÃO

Pursuing the inquiry, they found that this amount of stock was to be esteemed as taken in or holden by the company for the benefit of the pretended purchasers, although no mutual agreement was made for its delivery or acceptance at any certain time. No money was paid down, nor any deposit or security whatever given to the company by the supposed purchasers; so that if the stock had fallen, as might have been expected had the act not passed, they would have sustained no loss. If, on the contrary, the price of stock advanced (as it actually did by the success of the scheme), the difference by the advanced price was to be made good to them. Accordingly, after the passing of the act, the account of stock was made up and adjusted with Mr. Knight, and the pretended purchasers were paid the difference out of the company’s cash. 
This fictitious stock, which had been chiefly at the disposal of Sir John Blunt, Mr. Gibbon, and Mr. Knight...

 It also appeared that Mr. Stanhope had received the enormous sum of 250,000l. as the difference in the price of some stock, through the hands of Turner, Caswall, and Co., but that his name had been partly erased from their books, and altered to Stangape. Aislabie, the Chancellor of the Exchequer, had made profits still more abominable. He had an account with the same firm, who were also South-Sea directors, to the amount of 794,451l. He had, besides, advised the company to make their second subscription one million and a half, instead of a million, by their own authority, and without any warrant. The third subscription had been conducted in a manner as disgraceful. Mr. Aislabie’s name was down for 70,000l.; Mr. Craggs, senior, for 659,000l.; the Earl of Sunderland’s for 160,000l.; and Mr. Stanhope for 47,000l. This report was succeeded by six others, less important. At the end of the last, the committee declared, that the absence of Knight, who had been principally entrusted, prevented them from carrying on their inquiries.
The first report was ordered to be printed, and taken into consideration on the next day but one succeeding. After a very angry and animated debate, a series of resolutions were agreed to, condemnatory of the conduct of the directors, of the members of the parliament and of the administration concerned with them; and declaring that they ought, each and all, to make satisfaction out of their own estates for the injury they had done the public. Their practices were declared to be corrupt, infamous, and dangerous; and a bill was ordered to be brought in for the relief of the unhappy sufferers.

BONFIRES ON TOWER HILL

Mr. Charles Stanhope was the first person brought to account for his share in these transactions. He urged in his defence that, for some years past, he had lodged all the money he was possessed of in Mr. Knight’s hands, and whatever stock Mr. Knight had taken in for him, he had paid a valuable consideration for it. As for the stock that had been bought for him by Turner, Caswall, and Co., he knew nothing about it. Whatever had been done in that matter was done without his authority, and he could not be responsible for it. Turner and Co. took the latter charge upon themselves; but it was notorious to every unbiassed and unprejudiced person that Mr. Stanhope was a gainer of the 250,000l. which lay in the hands of that firm to his credit. He was, however, acquitted by a majority of three only. The greatest exertions were made to screen him. Lord Stanhope, the son of the Earl of Chesterfield, went round to the wavering members, using all the eloquence he was possessed of to induce them either to vote for the acquittal, or to absent themselves from the House. Many weak-headed country gentlemen were led astray by his persuasions, and the result was as already stated. The acquittal caused the greatest discontent throughout the country. Mobs of a menacing character assembled in different parts of London; fears of riots were generally entertained, especially as the examination of a still greater delinquent was expected by many to have a similar termination. Mr. Aislabie, whose high office and deep responsibilities should have kept him honest, even had native principle been insufficient, was very justly regarded as perhaps the greatest criminal of all. His case was entered into on the day succeeding the acquittal of Mr. Stanhope. Great excitement prevailed, and the lobbies and avenues of the House were beset by crowds, impatient to know the result. The debate lasted the whole day. Mr. Aislabie found few friends: his guilt was so apparent and so heinous that nobody had courage to stand up in his favour. It was finally resolved, without a dissentient voice, that Mr. Aislabie had encouraged and promoted the destructive execution of the South-Sea scheme with a view to his own exorbitant profit, and had combined with the directors in their pernicious practices, to the ruin of the public trade and credit of the kingdom: that he should for his offences be ignominiously expelled from the House of Commons, and committed a close prisoner to the Tower of London; that he should be restrained from going out of the kingdom for a whole year, or till the end of the next session of Parliament; and that he should make out a correct account of all his estate, in order that it might be applied to the relief of those who had suffered by his mal-practices.
This verdict caused the greatest joy. Though it was delivered at half-past twelve at night, it soon spread over the city. Several persons illuminated their houses in token of their joy. On the following day, when Mr. Aislabie was conveyed to the Tower, the mob assembled on Tower-hill with the intention of hooting and pelting him. Not succeeding in this, they kindled a large bonfire, and danced around it in the exuberance of their delight. Several bonfires were made in other places; London presented the appearance of a holiday, and people congratulated one another as if they had just escaped from some great calamity. The rage upon the acquittal of Mr. Stanhope had grown to such a height that none could tell where it would have ended, had Mr. Aislabie met with the like indulgence.
To increase the public satisfaction, Sir George Caswall, of the firm of Turner, Caswall, and Co., was expelled from the House on the following day, committed to the Tower, and ordered to refund the sum of 250,000l.

EARL OF SUNDERLAND.

That part of the report of the Committee of Secrecy which related to the Earl of Sunderland was next taken into consideration. Every effort was made to clear his lordship from the imputation. As the case against him rested chiefly on the evidence extorted from Sir John Blunt, great pains were taken to make it appear that Sir John’s word was not to be believed, especially in a matter affecting the honour of a peer and privy councillor. All the friends of the ministry rallied around the earl, it being generally reported that a verdict of guilty against him would bring a Tory ministry into power. He was eventually acquitted by a majority of 233 against 172; but the country was convinced of his guilt. The greatest indignation was every where expressed, and menacing mobs again assembled in London. Happily no disturbance took place.
This was the day on which Mr. Craggs the elder expired. The morrow had been appointed for the consideration of his case. It was very generally believed that he had poisoned himself. It appeared, however, that grief for the loss of his son, one of the secretaries of the Treasury, who had died five weeks previously of the small-pox, preyed much on his mind. For this son, dearly beloved, he had been amassing vast heaps of riches: he had been getting money, but not honestly; and he for whose sake he had bartered his honour and sullied his fame was now no more. The dread of further exposure increased his trouble of mind, and ultimately brought on an apoplectic fit, in which he expired. He left a fortune of a million and a half, which was afterwards confiscated for the benefit of the sufferers by the unhappy delusion he had been so mainly instrumental in raising.
One by one the case of every director of the company was taken into consideration. A sum amounting to two millions and fourteen thousand pounds was confiscated from their estates towards repairing the mischief they had done, each man being allowed a certain residue in proportion to his conduct and circumstances, with which he might begin the world anew. Sir John Blunt was only allowed 5,000l. out of his fortune of upwards of 183,000l.; Sir John Fellows was allowed 10,000l. out of 243,000l.; Sir Theodore Janssen, 50,000l. out of 243,000l.; Mr. Edward Gibbon, 10,000l. out of 106,000l.; Sir John Lambert, 5000l. out of 72,000l. Others, less deeply involved, were treated with greater liberality. Gibbon, the historian, whose grandfather was the Mr. Edward Gibbon so severely mulcted, has given, in the Memoirs of his Life and Writings, an interesting account of the proceedings in parliament at this time. He owns that he is not an unprejudiced witness; but, as all the writers from which it is possible to extract any notice of the proceedings of these disastrous years were prejudiced on the other side, the statements of the great historian become of additional value. If only on the principle audi alteram partem, his opinion is entitled to consideration. “In the year 1716,” he says, “my grandfather was elected one of the directors of the South-Sea company, and his books exhibited the proof that before his acceptance of that fatal office, he had acquired an independent fortune of 60,000l. But his fortune was overwhelmed in the shipwreck of the year 1720, and the labours of thirty years were blasted in a single day. Of the use or abuse of the South-Sea scheme, of the guilt or innocence of my grandfather and his brother directors, I am neither a competent nor a disinterested judge. Yet the equity of modern times must condemn the violent and arbitrary proceedings, which would have disgraced the cause of justice, and rendered injustice still more odious. No sooner had the nation awakened from its golden dream, than a popular and even a parliamentary clamour demanded its victims; but it was acknowledged on all sides, that the directors, however guilty, could not be touched by any known laws of the land. The intemperate notions of Lord Molesworth were not literally acted on; but a bill of pains and penalties was introduced—a retro-active statute, to punish the offences which did not exist at the time they were committed. The legislature restrained the persons of the directors, imposed an exorbitant security for their appearance, and marked their character with a previous note of ignominy. They were compelled to deliver, upon oath, the strict value of their estates, and were disabled from making any transfer or alienation of any part of their property. Against a bill of pains and penalties, it is the common right of every subject to be heard by his counsel at the bar. They prayed to be heard. Their prayer was refused, and their oppressors, who required no evidence, would listen to no defence. It had been at first proposed, that one-eighth of their respective estates should be allowed for the future support of the directors; but it was especially urged that, in the various shades of opulence and guilt, such a proportion would be too light for many, and for some might possibly be too heavy. The character and conduct of each man were separately weighed; but, instead of the calm solemnity of a judicial inquiry, the fortune and honour of thirty-three Englishmen were made the topics of hasty conversation, the sport of a lawless majority; and the basest member of the committee, by a malicious word or a silent vote, might indulge his general spleen or personal animosity. Injury was aggravated by insult, and insult was embittered by pleasantry. Allowances of 20l. or 1s. were facetiously moved. A vague report that a director had formerly been concerned in another project, by which some unknown persons had lost their money, was admitted as a proof of his actual guilt. One man was ruined because he had dropped a foolish speech, that his horses should feed upon gold; another, because he was grown so proud, that one day, at the Treasury, he had refused a civil answer to persons much above him. All were condemned, absent and unheard, in arbitrary fines and forfeitures, which swept away the greatest part of their substance. Such bold oppression can scarcely be shielded by the omnipotence of parliament. My grandfather could not expect to be treated with more lenity than his companions. His Tory principles and connexions rendered him obnoxious to the ruling powers. His name was reported in a suspicious secret. His well-known abilities could not plead the excuse of ignorance or error. In the first proceedings against the South-Sea directors, Mr. Gibbon was one of the first taken into custody, and in the final sentence the measure of his fine proclaimed him eminently guilty. The total estimate, which he delivered on oath to the House of Commons, amounted to 106,543l. 5s. 6d., exclusive of antecedent settlements. Two different allowances of 15,000l. and of 10,000l. were moved for Mr. Gibbon; but on the question being put, it was carried without a division for the smaller sum. On these ruins, with the skill and credit of which parliament had not been able to despoil him, my grandfather, at a mature age, erected the edifice of a new fortune. The labours of sixteen years were amply rewarded; and I have reason to believe that the second structure was not much inferior to the first.”

THE SOUTH-SEA BUBBLE.—CARICATURE BY HOGARTH.26

The next consideration of the legislature, after the punishment of the directors, was to restore public credit. The scheme of Walpole had been found insufficient, and had fallen into disrepute. A computation was made of the whole capital stock of the South-Sea company at the end of the year 1720. It was found to amount to thirty-seven millions eight hundred thousand pounds, of which the stock allotted to all the proprietors only amounted to twenty-four millions five hundred thousand pounds. The remainder of thirteen millions three hundred thousand pounds belonged to the company in their corporate capacity, and was the profit they had made by the national delusion. Upwards of eight millions of this were taken from the company, and divided among the proprietors and subscribers generally, making a dividend of about 33l. 6s. 8d. per cent. This was a great relief. It was further ordered, that such persons as had borrowed money from the South-Sea company upon stock actually transferred and pledged at the time of borrowing to or for the use of the company, should be free from all demands, upon payment of ten per cent of the sums so borrowed. They had lent about eleven millions in this manner, at a time when prices were unnaturally raised; and they now received back one million one hundred thousand, when prices had sunk to their ordinary level.
But it was a long time before public credit was thoroughly restored. Enterprise, like Icarus, had soared too high, and melted the wax of her wings; like Icarus, she had fallen into a sea, and learned, while floundering in its waves, that her proper element was the solid ground. She has never since attempted so high a flight.
In times of great commercial prosperity there has been a tendency to over-speculation on several occasions since then. The success of one project generally produces others of a similar kind. Popular imitativeness will always, in a trading nation, seize hold of such successes, and drag a community too anxious for profits into an abyss from which extrication is difficult. Bubble companies, of a kind similar to those engendered by the South-Sea project, lived their little day in the famous year of the panic, 1825. On that occasion, as in 1720, knavery gathered a rich harvest from cupidity, but both suffered when the day of reckoning came. The schemes of the year 1836 threatened, at one time, results as disastrous; but they were happily averted before it was too late.27

BUBBLERS’ ARMS—DESPAIR—FROM A PRINT IN THE COLLECTION OF E. HAWKINS, ESQ.

CONRAD GESNER.

THE TULIPOMANIA.

Contents

Quis furor, ô cives!—Lucan.

The tulip,—so named, it is said, from a Turkish word, signifying a turban,—was introduced into western Europe about the middle of the sixteenth century. Conrad Gesner, who claims the merit of having brought it into repute,—little dreaming of the commotion it was shortly afterwards to make in the world,—says that he first saw it in the year 1559, in a garden at Augsburg, belonging to the learned Counsellor Herwart, a man very famous in his day for his collection of rare exotics. The bulbs were sent to this gentleman by a friend at Constantinople, where the flower had long been a favourite. In the course of ten or eleven years after this period, tulips were much sought after by the wealthy, especially in Holland and Germany. Rich people at Amsterdam sent for the bulbs direct to Constantinople, and paid the most extravagant prices for them. The first roots planted in England were brought from Vienna in 1600. Until the year 1634 the tulip annually increased in reputation, until it was deemed a proof of bad taste in any man of fortune to be without a collection of them. Many learned men, including Pompeius de Angelis and the celebrated Lipsius of Leyden, the author of the treatise “De Constantia,” were passionately fond of tulips. The rage for possessing them soon caught the middle classes of society, and merchants and shopkeepers, even of moderate means, began to vie with each other in the rarity of these flowers and the preposterous prices they paid for them. A trader at Harlaem was known to pay one-half of his fortune for a single root, not with the design of selling it again at a profit, but to keep in his own conservatory for the admiration of his acquaintance.

One would suppose that there must have been some great virtue in this flower to have made it so valuable in the eyes of so prudent a people as the Dutch; but it has neither the beauty nor the perfume of the rose—hardly the beauty of the “sweet, sweet-pea;” neither is it as enduring as either. Cowley, it is true, is loud in its praise. He says—

“The tulip next appeared, all over gay,
But wanton, full of pride, and full of play;
The world can’t shew a dye but here has place;
Nay, by new mixtures, she can change her face;
Purple and gold are both beneath her care,
The richest needlework she loves to wear;
Her only study is to please the eye,
And to outshine the rest in finery.”

This, though not very poetical, is the description of a poet. Beckmann, in his History of Inventions, paints it with more fidelity, and in prose more pleasing than Cowley’s poetry. He says, “There are few plants which acquire, through accident, weakness, or disease, so many variegations as the tulip. When uncultivated, and in its natural state, it is almost of one colour, has large leaves, and an extraordinarily long stem. When it has been weakened by cultivation, it becomes more agreeable in the eyes of the florist. The petals are then paler, smaller, and more diversified in hue; and the leaves acquire a softer green colour. Thus this masterpiece of culture, the more beautiful it turns, grows so much the weaker, so that, with the greatest skill and most careful attention, it can scarcely be transplanted, or even kept alive.”
Many persons grow insensibly attached to that which gives them a great deal of trouble, as a mother often loves her sick and ever-ailing child better than her more healthy offspring. Upon the same principle we must account for the unmerited encomia lavished upon these fragile blossoms. In 1634, the rage among the Dutch to possess them was so great that the ordinary industry of the country was neglected, and the population, even to its lowest dregs, embarked in the tulip trade. As the mania increased, prices augmented, until, in the year 1635, many persons were known to invest a fortune of 100,000 florins in the purchase of forty roots. It then became necessary to sell them by their weight in perits, a small weight less than a grain. A tulip of the species called Admiral Liefken, weighing 400 perits, was worth 4400 florins; an Admiral Van der Eyck, weighing 446 perits, was worth 1260 florins; a Childer of 106 perits was worth 1615 florins; a Viceroy of 400 perits, 3000 florins, and, most precious of all, a Semper Augustus, weighing 200 perits, was thought to be very cheap at 5500 florins. The latter was much sought after, and even an inferior bulb might command a price of 2000 florins. It is related that, at one time, early in 1636, there were only two roots of this description to be had in all Holland, and those not of the best. One was in the possession of a dealer in Amsterdam, and the other in Harlaem. So anxious were the speculators to obtain them, that one person offered the fee-simple of twelve acres of building-ground for the Harlaem tulip. That of Amsterdam was bought for 4600 florins, a new carriage, two grey horses, and a complete suit of harness. Hunting, an industrious author of that day, who wrote a folio volume of one thousand pages upon the tulipomania, has preserved the folio wing list of the various articles, and their value, which were delivered for one single root of the rare species called the Viceroy:

	florins.
Two lasts of wheat	448
Four lasts of rye	558
Four fat oxen	480
Eight fat swine	240
Twelve fat sheep	120
Two hogsheads of wine	70
Four tuns of beer	32
Two tuns of butter	192
One thousand lbs. of cheese	120
A complete bed	100
A suit of clothes	80
A silver drinking-cup	60
	2500

People who had been absent from Holland, and whose chance it was to return when this folly was at its maximum, were sometimes led into awkward dilemmas by their ignorance. There is an amusing instance of the kind related in Blainville’s Travels. A wealthy merchant, who prided himself not a little on his rare tulips, received upon one occasion a very valuable consignment of merchandise from the Levant. Intelligence of its arrival was brought him by a sailor, who presented himself for that purpose at the counting-house, bales of goods of every description. The merchant, to reward him for his news, munificently made him a present of a fine red herring for his breakfast. The sailor had, it appears, a great partiality for onions, and seeing a bulb very like an onion lying upon the counter of this liberal trader, and thinking it, no doubt, very much out of its place among silks and velvets, he slily seized an opportunity and slipped it into his pocket, as a relish for his herring. He got clear off with his prize, and proceeded to the quay to eat his breakfast. Hardly was his back turned when the merchant missed his valuable Semper Augustus, worth three thousand florins, or about 280l. sterling. The whole establishment was instantly in an uproar; search was every where made for the precious root, but it was not to be found. Great was the merchant’s distress of mind. The search was renewed, but again without success. At last some one thought of the sailor.
The unhappy merchant sprang into the street at the bare suggestion. His alarmed household followed him. The sailor, simple soul! had not thought of concealment. He was found quietly sitting on a coil of ropes, masticating the last morsel of his “onion”. Little did he dream that he had been eating a breakfast whose cost might have regaled a whole ship’s crew for a twelvemonth; or, as the plundered merchant himself expressed it, “might have sumptuously feasted the Prince of Orange and the whole court of the Stadtholder.” Anthony caused pearls to be dissolved in wine to drink the health of Cleopatra; Sir Richard Whittington was as foolishly magnificent in an entertainment to King Henry V.; and Sir Thomas Gresham drank a diamond dissolved in wine to the health of Queen Elizabeth, when she opened the Royal Exchange; but the breakfast of this roguish Dutchman was as splendid as either. He had an advantage, too, over his wasteful predecessors: their gems did not improve the taste or the wholesomeness of their wine, while his tulip was quite delicious with his red herring. The most unfortunate part of the business for him was, that he remained in prison for some months on a charge of felony preferred against him by the merchant.
Another story is told of an English traveller, which is scarcely less ludicrous. This gentleman, an amateur botanist, happened to see a tulip-root lying in the conservatory of a wealthy Dutchman. Being ignorant of its quality, he took out his penknife, and peeled off its coats, with the view of making experiments upon it. When it was by this means reduced to half its size, he cut it into two equal sections, making all the time many learned remarks on the singular appearances of the unknown bulb. Suddenly, the owner pounced upon him, and, with fury in his eyes, asked him if he knew what he had been doing? “Peeling a most extraordinary onion,” replied the philosopher. “Hundert tausend duyvel!” said the Duchman; “it’s an Admiral Van der Eyck.” “Thank you,” replied the traveller, taking out his note-book to make a memorandum of the same; “are these admirals common in your country?” “Death and the devil!” said the Dutchman, seizing the astonished man of science by the collar; “come before the syndic, and you shall see.” In spite of his remonstrances, the traveller was led through the streets followed by a mob of persons. When brought into the presence of the magistrate, he learned, to his consternation, that the root upon which he had been experimentalising was worth four thousand florins; and, notwithstanding all he could urge in extenuation, he was lodged in prison until he found securities for the payment of this sum.
The demand for tulips of a rare species increased so much in the year 1636, that regular marts for their sale were established on the Stock Exchange of Amsterdam, in Rotterdam, Harlaem, Leyden, Alkmar, Hoorn, and other towns. Symptoms of gambling now became, for the first time, apparent. The stock-jobbers, ever on the alert for a new speculation, dealt largely in tulips, making use of all the means they so well knew how to employ, to cause fluctuations in prices. At first, as in all these gambling mania, confidence was at its height, and every body gained. The tulip-jobbers speculated in the rise and fall of the tulip stocks, and made large profits by buying when prices fell, and selling out when they rose. Many individuals grew suddenly rich. A golden bait hung temptingly out before the people, and one after the other, they rushed to the tulip-marts, like flies around a honey-pot. Every one imagined that the passion for tulips would last for ever, and that the wealthy from every part of the world would send to Holland, and pay whatever prices were asked for them. The riches of Europe would be concentrated on the shores of the Zuyder Zee, and poverty banished from the favoured clime of Holland. Nobles, citizens, farmers, mechanics, sea-men, footmen, maid-servants, even chimney-sweeps and old clothes-women, dabbled in tulips. People of all grades converted their property into cash, and invested it in flowers. Houses and lands were offered for sale at ruinously low prices, or assigned in payment of bargains made at the tulip-mart. Foreigners became smitten with the same frenzy, and money poured into Holland from all directions. The prices of the necessaries of life rose again by degrees: houses and lands, horses and carriages, and luxuries of every sort, rose in value with them, and for some months Holland seemed the very antechamber of Plutus. The operations of the trade became so extensive and so intricate, that it was found necessary to draw up a code of laws for the guidance of the dealers. Notaries and clerks were also appointed, who devoted themselves exclusively to the interests of the trade. The designation of public notary was hardly known in some towns, that of tulip-notary usurping its place. In the smaller towns, where there was no exchange, the principal tavern was usually selected as the “show-place,” where high and low traded in tulips, and confirmed their bargains over sumptuous entertainments. These dinners were sometimes attended by two or three hundred persons, and large vases of tulips, in full bloom, were placed at regular intervals upon the tables and sideboards for their gratification during the repast.
At last, however, the more prudent began to see that this folly could not last for ever. Rich people no longer bought the flowers to keep them in their gardens, but to sell them again at cent per cent profit. It was seen that somebody must lose fearfully in the end. As this conviction spread, prices fell, and never rose again. Confidence was destroyed, and a universal panic seized upon the dealers. A had agreed to purchase ten Semper Augustines from B, at four thousand florins each, at six weeks after the signing of the contract. B was ready with the flowers at the appointed time; but the price had fallen to three or four hundred florins, and A refused either to pay the difference or receive the tulips. Defaulters were announced day after day in all the towns of Holland. Hundreds who, a few months previously, had begun to doubt that there was such a thing as poverty in the land, suddenly found themselves the possessors of a few bulbs, which nobody would buy, even though they offered them at one quarter of the sums they had paid for them. The cry of distress resounded every where, and each man accused his neighbour. The few who had contrived to enrich themselves hid their wealth from the knowledge of their fellow-citizens, and invested it in the English or other funds. Many who, for a brief season, had emerged from the humbler walks of life, were cast back into their original obscurity. Substantial merchants were reduced almost to beggary, and many a representative of a noble line saw the fortunes of his house ruined beyond redemption.
When the first alarm subsided, the tulip-holders in the several towns held public meetings to devise what measures, were best to be taken to restore public credit. It was generally agreed, that deputies should be sent from all parts to Amsterdam, to consult with the government upon some remedy for the evil. The government at first refused to interfere, but advised the tulip-holders to agree to some plan among themselves. Several meetings were held for this purpose; but no measure could be devised likely to give satisfaction to the deluded people, or repair even a slight portion of the mischief that had been done. The language of complaint and reproach was in every body’s mouth, and all the meetings were of the most stormy character. At last, however, after much bickering and ill-will, it was agreed, at Amsterdam, by the assembled deputies, that all contracts made in the height of the mania, or prior to the month of November 1636, should be declared null and void, and that, in those made after that date, purchasers should be freed from their engagements, on paying ten per cent to the vendor. This decision gave no satisfaction. The vendors who had their tulips on hand were, of course, discontented, and those who had pledged themselves to purchase, thought themselves hardly treated. Tulips which had, at one time, been worth six thousand florins, were now to be procured for five hundred; so that the composition of ten per cent was one hundred florins more than the actual value. Actions for breach of contract were threatened in all the courts of the country; but the latter refused to take cognisance of gambling transactions.
The matter was finally referred to the Provincial Council at the Hague, and it was confidently expected that the wisdom of this body would invent some measure by which credit should be restored. Expectation was on the stretch for its decision, but it never came. The members continued to deliberate week after week, and at last, after thinking about it for three months, declared that they could offer no final decision until they had more information. They advised, however, that, in the mean time, every vendor should, in the presence of witnesses, offer the tulips in natura to the purchaser for the sums agreed upon. If the latter refused to take them, they might be put up for sale by public auction, and the original contractor held responsible for the difference between the actual and the stipulated price. This was exactly the plan recommended by the deputies, and which was already shewn to be of no avail. There was no court in Holland which would enforce payment. The question was raised in Amsterdam, but the judges unanimously refused to interfere, on the ground that debts contracted in gambling were no debts in law.
Thus the matter rested. To find a remedy was beyond the power of the government. Those who were unlucky enough to have had stores of tulips on hand at the time of the sudden reaction were left to bear their ruin as philosophically as they could; those who had made profits were allowed to keep them; but the commerce of the country suffered a severe shock, from which it was many years ere it recovered.
The example of the Dutch was imitated to some extent in England. In the year 1636 tulips were publicly sold in the Exchange of London, and the jobbers exerted themselves to the utmost to raise them to the fictitious value they had acquired in Amsterdam. In Paris also the jobbers strove to create a tulipomania. In both cities they only partially succeeded. However, the force of example brought the flowers into great favour, and amongst a certain class of people tulips have ever since been prized more highly than any other flowers of the field. The Dutch are still notorious for their partiality to them, and continue to pay higher prices for them than any other people. As the rich Englishman boasts of his fine race-horses or his old pictures, so does the wealthy Dutchman vaunt him of his tulips.
In England, in our day, strange as it may appear, a tulip will produce more money than an oak. If one could be found, rara in terris, and black as the black swan of Juvenal, its price would equal that of a dozen acres of standing corn. In Scotland, towards the close of the seventeenth century, the highest price for tulips, according to the authority of a writer in the supplement to the third edition of the Encyclopedia Britannica, was ten guineas. Their value appears to have diminished from that time till the year 1769, when the two most valuable species in England were the Don Quevedo and the Valentinier, the former of which was worth two guineas and the latter two guineas and a half. These prices appear to have been the minimum. In the year 1800, a common price was fifteen guineas for a single bulb. In 1835, a bulb of the species called the Miss Fanny Kemble was sold by public auction in London for seventy-five pounds. Still more remarkable was the price of a tulip in the possession of a gardener in the King’s Road, Chelsea;—in his catalogues it was labelled at two hundred guineas.

THE ALCHYMISTS; OR Searchers for the Philosopher’s Stone and the Water of Life.

Contents

Mercury (loquitur). The mischief a secret any of them know, above the consuming of coals and drawing of usquebaugh! howsoever they may pretend, under the specious names of Geber, Arnold, Lulli, or bombast of Hohenheim, to commit miracles in art, and treason against nature! As if the title of philosopher, that creature of glory, were to be fetched out of a furnace! I am their crude and their sublimate, their precipitate and their unctions; their male and their female, sometimes their hermaphrodite—what they list to style me! They will calcine you a grave matron, as it might be a mother of the maids, and spring up a young virgin out of her ashes, as fresh as a phœnix; lay you an old courtier on the coals, like a sausage or a bloat-herring, and, after they have broiled him enough, blow a soul into him with a pair of bellows! See, they begin to muster again, and draw their forces out against me! The genius of the place defend me!—Ben Jonson’s Masque: Mercury vindicated from the Alchymists.

Dissatisfaction with his lot seems to be the characteristic of man in all ages and climates. So far, however, from being an evil, as at first might be supposed, it has been the great civiliser of our race; and has tended, more than any thing else, to raise us above the condition of the brutes. But the same discontent which has been the source of all improvement, has been the parent of no small progeny of follies and absurdities; to trace these latter is our present object. Vast as the subject appears, it is easily reducible within such limits as will make it comprehensive without being wearisome, and render its study both instructive and amusing.

Three causes especially have excited the discontent of mankind; and, by impelling us to seek for remedies for the irremediable, have bewildered us in a maze of madness and error. These are death, toil, and ignorance of the future—the doom of man upon this sphere, and for which he shews his antipathy by his love of life, his longing for abundance, and his craving curiosity to pierce the secrets of the days to come. The first has led many to imagine that they might find means to avoid death, or failing in this, that they might, nevertheless, so prolong existence as to reckon it by centuries instead of units. From this sprang the search, so long continued and still pursued, for the elixir vitæ, or water of life, which has led thousands to pretend to it and millions to believe in it. From the second sprang the search for the philosopher’s stone, which was to create plenty by changing all metals into gold; and from the third, the false sciences of astrology, divination, and their divisions of necromancy, chiromancy, augury, with all their train of signs, portents, and omens.
In tracing the career of the erring philosophers, or the wilful cheats, who have encouraged or preyed upon the credulity of mankind, it will simplify and elucidate the subject, if we divide it into three classes: the first comprising alchymists, or those in general who have devoted themselves to the discovering of the philosopher’s stone and the water of life; the second comprising astrologers, necromancers, sorcerers, geomancers, and all those who pretended to discover futurity; and the third consisting of the dealers in charms, amulets, philters, universal-panacea mongers, touchers for the evil, seventh sons of a seventh son, sympathetic powder compounders, homœopathists, animal magnetisers, and all the motley tribe of quacks, empirics, and charlatans.
But in narrating the career of such men, it will be found that many of them united several or all of the functions just mentioned; that the alchymist was a fortune-teller, or a necromancer—that he pretended to cure all maladies by touch or charm, and to work miracles of every kind. In the dark and early ages of European history this is more especially the case. Even as we advance to more recent periods, we shall find great difficulty in separating the characters. The alchymist seldom confined himself strictly to his pretended science—the sorcerer and necromancer to theirs, or the medical charlatan to his. Beginning with alchymy, some confusion of these classes is unavoidable; but the ground will clear for us as we advance.
Let us not, in the pride of our superior knowledge, turn with contempt from the follies of our predecessors. The study of the errors into which great minds have fallen in the pursuit of truth can never be uninstructive. As the man looks back to the days of his childhood and his youth, and recalls to his mind the strange notions and false opinions that swayed his actions at that time, that he may wonder at them; so should society, for its edification, look back to the opinions which governed the ages fled. He is but a superficial thinker who would despise and refuse to hear of them merely because they are absurd. No man is so wise but that he may learn some wisdom from his past errors, either of thought or action; and no society has made such advances as to be capable of no improvement from the retrospect of its past folly and credulity. And not only is such a study instructive: he who reads for amusement only will find no chapter in the annals of the human mind more amusing than this. It opens out the whole realm of fiction—the wild, the fantastic, and the wonderful, and all the immense variety of things “that are not, and cannot be; but that have been imagined and believed.”

---

For more than a thousand years the art of alchymy captivated many noble spirits, and was believed in by millions. Its origin is involved in obscurity. Some of its devotees have claimed for it an antiquity coeval with the creation of man himself, others, again, would trace it no further back than the time of Noah. Vincent de Beauvais argues, indeed, that all the antediluvians must have possessed a knowledge of alchymy; and particularly cites Noah as having been acquainted with the elixir vitæ, or he could not have lived to so prodigious an age, and have begotten children when upwards of five hundred. Lenglet du Fresnoy, in his History of the Hermetic Philosophy, says, “Most of them pretended that Shem, or Chem, the son of Noah, was an adept in the art, and thought it highly probable that the words chemistry and alchymy are both derived from his name.” Others say, the art was derived from the Egyptians, amongst whom it was first founded by Hermes Trismegistus. Moses, who is looked upon as a first-rate alchymist, gained his knowledge in Egypt; but he kept it all to himself, and would not instruct the children of Israel in its mysteries. All the writers upon alchymy triumphantly cite the story of the golden calf, in the 32d chapter of Exodus, to prove that this great lawgiver was an adept, and could make or unmake gold at his pleasure. It is recorded, that Moses was so wrath with the Israelites for their idolatry, “that he took the calf which they had made, and burned it in the fire, and ground it to powder, and strewed it upon the water, and made the children of Israel drink of it.” This, say the alchymists, he never could have done had he not been in possession of the philosopher’s stone; by no other means could he have made the powder of gold float upon the water. But we must leave this knotty point for the consideration of the adepts in the art, if any such there be, and come to more modern periods of its history. The Jesuit, Father Martini, in his Historia Sinica, says, it was practised by the Chinese two thousand five hundred years before the birth of Christ; but his assertion, being unsupported, is worth nothing. It would appear, however, that pretenders to the art of making gold and silver existed in Rome in the first centuries after the Christian era, and that, when discovered, they were liable to punishment as knaves and impostors. At Constantinople, in the fourth century, the transmutation of metals was very generally believed in, and many of the Greek ecclesiastics wrote treatises upon the subject. Their names are preserved, and some notice of their works given, in the third volume of Langlet du Fresnoy’s History of the Hermetic Philosophy. Their notion appears to have been, that all metals were composed of two substances; the one, metallic earth; and the other, a red inflammable matter, which they called sulphur. The pure union of these substances formed gold; but other metals were mixed with and contaminated by various foreign ingredients. The object of the philosopher’s stone was to dissolve or neutralise all these ingredients, by which iron, lead, copper, and all metals would be transmuted into the original gold. Many learned and clever men wasted their time, their health, and their energies, in this vain pursuit; but for several centuries it took no great hold upon the imagination of the people. The history of the delusion appears, in a manner, lost from this time till the eighth century, when it appeared amongst the Arabians. From this period it becomes easier to trace its progress. A master then appeared, who was long looked upon as the father of the science, and whose name is indissolubly connected with it.

Geber.

Of this philosopher, who devoted his life to the study of alchymy, but few particulars are known. He is thought to have lived in the year 730. His true name was Abou Moussah Djafar, to which was added Al Sofi, or “The Wise,” and he was born at Houran, in Mesopotamia.28 Some have thought he was a Greek, others a Spaniard, and others a prince of Hindostan; but of all the mistakes which have been made respecting him, the most ludicrous was that made by the French translator of Sprenger’s History of Medicine, who thought, from the sound of his name, that he was a German, and rendered it as the “Donnateur,” or Giver. No details of his life are known; but it is asserted, that he wrote more than five hundred works upon the philosopher’s stone and the water of life. He was a great enthusiast in his art, and compared the incredulous to little children shut up in a narrow room, without windows or aperture, who, because they saw nothing beyond, denied the existence of the great globe itself. He thought that a preparation of gold would cure all maladies, not only in man, but in the inferior animals and plants. He also imagined that all the metals laboured under disease, with the exception of gold, which was the only one in perfect health. He affirmed, that the secret of the philosopher’s stone had been more than once discovered; but that the ancient and wise men who had hit upon it would never, by word or writing, communicate it to men, because of their unworthiness and incredulity.29 But the life of Geber, though spent in the pursuit of this vain chimera, was not altogether useless. He stumbled upon discoveries which he did not seek; and science is indebted to him for the first mention of corrosive sublimate, the red oxide of mercury, nitric acid, and the nitrate of silver.30
For more than two hundred years after the death of Geber, the Arabian philosophers devoted themselves to the study of alchymy, joining with it that of astrology. Of these the most celebrated was

Alfarabi.

Alfarabi flourished at the commencement of the tenth century, and enjoyed the reputation of being one of the most learned men of his age. He spent his life in travelling from country to country, that he might gather the opinions of philosophers upon the great secrets of nature. No danger dismayed him; no toil wearied him of the pursuit. Many sovereigns endeavoured to retain him at their courts; but he refused to rest until he had discovered the great object of his life—the art of preserving it for centuries, and of making gold as much as he needed. This wandering mode of life at last proved fatal to him. He had been on a visit to Mecca, not so much for religious as for philosophical purposes, when, returning through Syria, he stopped at the court of the Sultan Seifeddoulet, who was renowned as the patron of learning. He presented himself in his travelling attire in the presence of that monarch and his courtiers; and, without invitation, coolly sat himself down on the sofa beside the prince. The courtiers and wise men were indignant; and the sultan, who did not know the intruder, was at first inclined to follow their example. He turned to one of his officers, and ordered him to eject the presumptuous stranger from the room; but Alfarabi, without moving, dared them to lay hands upon him; and, turning himself calmly to the prince, remarked, that he did not know who was his guest, or he would treat him with honour, not with violence. The sultan, instead of being still further incensed, as many potentates would have been, admired his coolness; and, requesting him to sit still closer to him on the sofa, entered into a long conversation with him upon science and divine philosophy. All the court were charmed with the stranger. Questions for discussion were propounded, on all of which he shewed superior knowledge. He convinced every one who ventured to dispute with him; and spoke so eloquently upon the science of alchymy, that he was at once recognised as only second to the great Geber himself. One of the doctors present inquired whether a man who knew so many sciences was acquainted with music? Alfarabi made no reply, but merely requested that a lute should be brought him. The lute was brought; and he played such ravishing and tender melodies, that all the court were melted into tears. He then changed his theme, and played airs so sprightly, that he set the grave philosophers, sultan and all, dancing as fast as their legs could carry them. He then sobered them again by a mournful strain, and made them sob and sigh as if broken-hearted. The sultan, highly delighted with his powers, entreated him to stay, offering him every inducement that wealth, power, and dignity could supply; but the alchymist resolutely refused, it being decreed, he said, that he should never repose till he had discovered the philosopher’s stone. He set out accordingly the same evening, and was murdered by some thieves in the deserts of Syria. His biographers give no further particulars of his life beyond mentioning that he wrote several valuable treatises on his art, all of which, however, have been lost. His death happened in the year 954.

Avicenna.

Avicenna, whose real name was Ebn Cinna, another great alchymist, was born at Bokhara in 980. His reputation as a physician and a man skilled in all sciences was so great, that the Sultan Magdal Douleth resolved to try his powers in the great science of government. He was accordingly made Grand Vizier of that prince, and ruled the state with some advantage; but in a science still more difficult, he failed completely. He could not rule his own passions, but gave himself up to wine and women, and led a life of shameless debauchery. Amid the multifarious pursuits of business and pleasure, he nevertheless found time to write seven treatises upon the philosopher’s stone, which were for many ages looked upon as of great value by pretenders to the art. It is rare that an eminent physician as Avicenna appears to have been, abandons himself to sensual gratification; but so completely did he become enthralled in the course of a few years, that he was dismissed from his high office, and died shortly afterwards of premature old age and a complication of maladies, brought on by debauchery. His death took place in the year 1036. After his time few philosophers of any note in Arabia are heard of as devoting themselves to the study of alchymy; but it began shortly afterwards to attract greater attention in Europe. Learned men in France, England, Spain, and Italy, expressed their belief in the science, and many devoted their whole energies to it. In the twelfth and thirteenth centuries especially, it was extensively pursued, and some of the brightest names of that age are connected with it. Among the most eminent of them are

Albertus Magnus and Thomas Aquinas.

The first of these philosophers was born in the year 1193, of a noble family at Lawingen, in the Duchy of Neuburg, on the Danube. For the first thirty years of his life he appeared remarkably dull and stupid, and it was feared by every one that no good could come of him. He entered a Dominican monastery at an early age; but made so little progress in his studies, that he was more than once upon the point of abandoning them in despair, but he was endowed with extraordinary perseverance. As he advanced to middle age, his mind expanded, and he learned whatever he applied himself to with extreme facility. So remarkable a change was not in that age to be accounted for but by a miracle. It was asserted and believed that the Holy Virgin, touched with his great desire to become learned and famous, took pity upon his incapacity, and appeared to him in the cloister where he sat almost despairing, and asked him whether he wished to excel in philosophy or divinity. He chose philosophy, to the chagrin of the Virgin, who reproached him in mild and sorrowful accents that he had not made a better choice. She, however, granted his request, that he should become the most excellent philosopher of the age; but set this drawback to his pleasure, that he should relapse, when at the height of his fame, into his former incapacity and stupidity. Albertus never took the trouble to contradict the story, but prosecuted his studies with such unremitting zeal, that his reputation speedily spread over all Europe. In the year 1244, the celebrated Thomas Aquinas placed himself under his tuition. Many extraordinary stories are told of the master and his pupil. While they paid all due attention to other branches of science, they never neglected the pursuit of the philosopher’s stone and the elixir vitæ. Although they discovered neither, it was believed that Albert had seized some portion of the secret of life, and found means to animate a brazen statue, upon the formation of which, under proper conjunctions of the planets, he had been occupied many years of his life. He and Thomas Aquinas completed it together, endowed it with the faculty of speech, and made it perform the functions of a domestic servant. In this capacity it was exceedingly useful; but, through some defect in the machinery, it chattered much more than was agreeable to either philosopher. Various remedies were tried to cure it of its garrulity, but in vain; and one day, Thomas Aquinas was so enraged at the noise it made when he was in the midst of a mathematical problem, that he seized a ponderous hammer and smashed it to pieces.31 He was sorry afterwards for what he had done, and was reproved by his master for giving way to his anger, so unbecoming in a philosopher. They made no attempt to re-animate the statue.

ALBERTUS MAGNUS.

Such stories as these shew the spirit of the age. Every great man who attempted to study the secrets of nature was thought a magician; and it is not to be wondered at that, when philosophers themselves pretended to discover an elixir for conferring immortality, or a red stone which was to create boundless wealth, that popular opinion should have enhanced upon their pretensions, and have endowed them with powers still more miraculous. It was believed of Albertus Magnus that he could even change the course of the seasons, a feat which the many thought less difficult than the discovery of the grand elixir. Albertus was desirous of obtaining a piece of ground on which to build a monastery in the neighbourhood of Cologne. The ground belonged to William Count of Holland and King of the Romans, who for some reason or other did not wish to part with it. Albertus is reported to have gained it by the following extraordinary method: He invited the prince as he was passing through Cologne to a magnificent entertainment prepared for him and all his court. The prince accepted it, and repaired with a lordly retinue to the residence of the sage. It was in the midst of winter, the Rhine was frozen over, and the cold was so bitter, that the knights could not sit on horseback without running the risk of losing their toes by the frost. Great, therefore, was their surprise, on arriving at Albert’s house, to find that the repast was spread in his garden, in which the snow had drifted to the depth of several feet. The earl in high dudgeon remounted his steed, but Albert at last prevailed upon him to take his seat at the table. He had no sooner done so, than the dark clouds rolled away from the sky—a warm sun shone forth—the cold north wind veered suddenly round and blew a mild breeze from the south—the snows melted away—the ice was unbound upon the streams, and the trees put forth their green leaves and their fruit—flowers sprang up beneath their feet, while larks, nightingales, blackbirds, cuckoos, thrushes, and every sweet song-bird sang hymns from every tree. The earl and his attendants wondered greatly; but they ate their dinner, and in recompense for it, Albert got his piece of ground to build a convent on. He had not, however, shewn them all his power. Immediately that the repast was over, he gave the word, and dark clouds obscured the sun—the snow fell in large flakes—the singing-birds fell dead—the leaves dropped from the trees, and the winds blew so cold and howled so mournfully, that the guests wrapped themselves up in their thick cloaks, and retreated into the house to warm themselves at the blazing fire in Albert’s kitchen.32
Thomas Aquinas also could work wonders as well as his master. It is related of him that he lodged in a street at Cologne, where he was much annoyed by the incessant clatter made by the horses’ hoofs, as they were led through it daily to exercise by their grooms. He had entreated the latter to select some other spot, where they might not disturb a philosopher; but the grooms turned a deaf ear to all his solicitations. In this emergency he had recourse to the aid of magic. He constructed a small horse of bronze, upon which he inscribed certain cabalistic characters, and buried it at midnight in the midst of the highway. The next morning a troop of grooms came riding along as usual; but the horses, as they arrived at the spot where the magic horse was buried, reared and plunged violently—their nostrils distended with terror—their manes grew erect, and the perspiration ran down their sides in streams. In vain the riders applied the spur—in vain they coaxed or threatened, the animals would not pass the spot. On the following day their success was no better. They were at length compelled to seek another spot for their exercise, and Thomas Aquinas was left in peace.33
Albertus Magnus was made Bishop of Ratisbon in 1259; but he occupied the see only four years, when he resigned, on the ground that its duties occupied too much of the time which he was anxious to devote to philosophy. He died in Cologne in 1280, at the advanced age of eighty-seven. The Dominican writers deny that he ever sought the philosopher’s stone, but his treatise upon minerals sufficiently proves that he did.

Artephius.

Artephius, a name noted in the annals of alchymy, was born in the early part of the twelfth century. He wrote two famous treatises; the one upon the philosopher’s stone, and the other on the art of prolonging human life. In the latter he vaunts his great qualifications for instructing mankind on such a matter, as he was at that time in the thousand and twenty-fifth year of his age! He had many disciples who believed in his extreme age, and who attempted to prove that he was Apollonius of Tyana, who lived soon after the advent of Jesus Christ, and the particulars of whose life and pretended miracles have been so fully described by Philostratus. He took good care never to contradict a story which so much increased the power he was desirous of wielding over his fellow-mortals. On all convenient occasions, he boasted of it; and having an excellent memory, a fertile imagination, and a thorough knowledge of all existing history, he was never at a loss for an answer when questioned as to the personal appearance, the manners, or the character of the great men of antiquity. He also pretended to have found the philosopher’s stone; and said that, in search of it, he had descended to hell, and seen the devil sitting on a throne of gold, with a legion of imps and fiends around him. His works on alchymy have been translated into French, and were published in Paris in 1609 or 1610.

Alain de Lisle.

Contemporary with Albertus Magnus was Alain de Lisle of Flanders, who was named, from his great learning, the “universal doctor.” He was thought to possess a knowledge of all the sciences, and, like Artephius, to have discovered the elixir vitæ. He became one of the friars of the abbey of Citeaux, and died in 1298, aged about one hundred and ten years. It was said of him that he was at the point of death when in his fiftieth year, but that the fortunate discovery of the elixir enabled him to add sixty years to his existence. He wrote a commentary on the prophecies of Merlin.

Arnold de Villeneuve.

This philosopher has left a much greater reputation. He was born in the year 1245, and studied medicine with great success in the university of Paris. He afterwards travelled for twenty years in Italy and Germany, where he made acquaintance with Pietro d’Apone, a man of a character akin to his own, and addicted to the same pursuits. As a physician, he was thought, in his own lifetime, to be the most able the world had ever seen. Like all the learned men of that day, he dabbled in astrology and alchymy, and was thought to have made immense quantities of gold from lead and copper. When Pietro d’Apone was arrested in Italy, and brought to trial as a sorcerer, a similar accusation was made against Arnold; but he managed to leave the country in time, and escape the fate of his unfortunate friend. He lost some credit by predicting the end of the world, but afterwards regained it. The time of his death is not exactly known; but it must have been prior to the year 1311, when Pope Clement V. wrote a circular letter to all the clergy of Europe who lived under his obedience, praying them to use their utmost efforts to discover the famous treatise of Arnold on The Practice of Medicine. The author had promised, during his lifetime, to make a present of the work to the Holy See, but died without fulfilling it.

ARNOLD DE VILLENEUVE.

In a very curious work by Monsieur Longeville Harcouet, entitled The History of the Persons who have lived several centuries and then grown young again, there is a receipt, said to have been given by Arnold de Villeneuve, by means of which any one might prolong his life for a few hundred years or so. In the first place, say Arnold and Monsieur Harcouet, “the person intending so to prolong his life must rub himself well, two or three times a week, with the juice or marrow of cassia (moëlle de la casse). Every night, upon going to bed, he must put upon his heart a plaster, composed of a certain quantity of oriental saffron, red rose-leaves, sandal-wood, aloes, and amber, liquified in oil of roses and the best white wax. In the morning, he must take it off, and enclose it carefully in a leaden box till the next night, when it must be again applied. If he be of a sanguine temperament, he shall take sixteen chickens; if phlegmatic, twenty-five; and if melancholy, thirty, which he shall put into a yard where the air and the water are pure. Upon these he is to feed, eating one a day; but previously the chickens are to be fattened by a peculiar method, which will impregnate their flesh with the qualities that are to produce longevity in the eater. Being deprived of all other nourishment till they are almost dying of hunger, they are to be fed upon broth made of serpents and vinegar, which broth is to be thickened with wheat and bran.” Various ceremonies are to be performed in the cooking of this mess, which those may see in the book of M. Harcouet who are at all interested in the matter; and the chickens are to be fed upon it for two months. They are then fit for table, and are to be washed down with moderate quantities of good white wine or claret. This regimen is to be followed regularly every seven years, and any one may live to be as old as Methuselah! It is right to state that M. Harcouet has but little authority for attributing this precious composition to Arnold of Villeneuve. It is not found in the collected works of that philosopher; but was first brought to light by a M. Poirier, at the commencement of the sixteenth century, who asserted that he had discovered it in MS. in the undoubted writing of Arnold.

Pietro d’Apone.

This unlucky sage was born at Apone, near Padua, in the year 1250. Like his friend Arnold de Villeneuve, he was an eminent physician, and a pretender to the arts of astrology and alchymy. He practised for many years in Paris, and made great wealth by killing and curing, and telling fortunes. In an evil day for him, he returned to his own country, with the reputation of being a magician of the first order. It was universally believed that he had drawn seven evil spirits from the infernal regions, whom he kept enclosed in seven crystal vases until he required their services, when he sent them forth to the ends of the earth to execute his pleasure. One spirit excelled in philosophy; a second, in alchymy; a third, in astrology; a fourth, in physic; a fifth, in poetry; a sixth, in music; and the seventh, in painting: and whenever Pietro wished for information or instruction in any of these arts, he had only to go to his crystal vase and liberate the presiding spirit. Immediately all the secrets of the art were revealed to him; and he might, if it pleased him, excel Homer in poetry, Apelles in painting, or Pythagoras himself in philosophy. Although he could make gold out of brass, it was said of him that he was very sparing of his powers in that respect, and kept himself constantly supplied with money by other and less creditable means. Whenever he disbursed gold, he muttered a certain charm, known only to himself, and next morning the gold was safe again in his own possession. The trader to whom he gave it might lock it in his strong box and have it guarded by a troop of soldiers, but the charmed metal flew back to its old master. Even if it were buried in the earth, or thrown into the sea, the dawn of the next morning would behold it in the pockets of Pietro. Few people, in consequence, liked to have dealings with such a personage, especially for gold. Some, bolder than the rest, thought that his power did not extend over silver; but, when they made the experiment, they found themselves mistaken. Bolts and bars could not restrain it, and it sometimes became invisible in their very hands, and was whisked through the air to the purse of the magician. He necessarily acquired a very bad character; and, having given utterance to some sentiments regarding religion which were the very reverse of orthodox, he was summoned before the tribunals of the Inquisition to answer for his crimes as a heretic and a sorcerer. He loudly protested his innocence, even upon the rack, where he suffered more torture than nature could support. He died in prison ere his trial was concluded, but was afterwards found guilty. His bones were ordered to be dug up and publicly burned. He was also burned in effigy in the streets of Padua.

Raymond Lulli.

RAYMOND LULLI.

While Arnold de Villeneuve and Pietro d’Apone flourished in France and Italy, a more celebrated adept than either appeared in Spain. This was Raymond Lulli, a name which stands in the first rank among the alchymists. Unlike many of his predecessors, he made no pretensions to astrology or necromancy; but, taking Geber for his model, studied intently the nature and composition of metals, without reference to charms, incantations, or any foolish ceremonies. It was not, however, till late in life that he commenced his study of the art. His early and middle age were spent in a different manner, and his whole history is romantic in the extreme. He was born of an illustrious family, in Majorca, in the year 1235. When that island was taken from the Saracens by James I. king of Aragon, in 1230, the father of Raymond, who was originally of Catalonia, settled there, and received a considerable appointment from the crown. Raymond married at an early age; and, being fond of pleasure, he left the solitudes of his native isle, and passed over with his bride into Spain. He was made Grand Seneschal at the court of King James, and led a gay life for several years. Faithless to his wife, he was always in the pursuit of some new beauty, till his heart was fixed at last by the lovely but unkind Ambrosia de Castello. This lady, like her admirer, was married; but, unlike him, was faithful to her vows, and treated all his solicitations with disdain. Raymond was so enamoured, that repulse only increased his flame; he lingered all night under her windows, wrote passionate verses in her praise, neglected his affairs, and made himself the butt of all the courtiers. One day, while watching under her lattice, he by chance caught sight of her bosom, as her neckerchief was blown aside by the wind. The fit of inspiration came over him, and he sat down and composed some tender stanzas upon the subject, and sent them to the lady. The fair Ambrosia had never before condescended to answer his letters; but she replied to this. She told him that she could never listen to his suit; that it was unbecoming in a wise man to fix his thoughts, as he had done, on any other than his God; and entreated him to devote himself to a religious life, and conquer the unworthy passion which he had suffered to consume him. She, however, offered, if he wished it, to shew him the fair bosom which had so captivated him. Raymond was delighted. He thought the latter part of this epistle but ill corresponded with the former, and that Ambrosia, in spite of the good advice she gave him, had at last relented, and would make him as happy as he desired. He followed her about from place to place, entreating her to fulfil her promise: but still Ambrosia was cold, and implored him with tears to importune her no longer; for that she never could be his, and never would, if she were free to-morrow. “What means your letter, then?” said the despairing lover. “I will shew you!” replied Ambrosia, who immediately uncovered her bosom, and exposed to the eyes of her horror-stricken admirer a large cancer which had extended to both breasts. She saw that he was shocked; and, extending her hand to him, she prayed him once more to lead a religious life, and set his heart upon the Creator, and not upon the creature. He went home an altered man. He threw up, on the morrow, his valuable appointment at the court, separated from his wife, and took a farewell of his children, after dividing one-half of his ample fortune among them. The other half he shared among the poor. He then threw himself at the foot of a crucifix, and devoted himself to the service of God, vowing, as the most acceptable atonement for his errors, that he would employ the remainder of his days in the task of converting the Mussulmans to the Christian religion. In his dreams he saw Jesus Christ, who said to him, “Raymond! Raymond! follow me!” The vision was three times repeated, and Raymond was convinced that it was an intimation direct from heaven. Having put his affairs in order, he set out on a pilgrimage to the shrine of St. James of Compostello, and afterwards lived for ten years in solitude amid the mountains of Aranda. Here he learned the Arabic, to qualify himself for his mission of converting the Mahometans. He also studied various sciences, as taught in the works of the learned men of the East, and first made acquaintance with the writings of Geber, which were destined to exercise so much influence over his future life.
At the end of this probation, and when he had entered his fortieth year, he emerged from his solitude into more active life. With some remains of his fortune, which had accumulated during his retirement, he founded a college for the study of Arabic, which was approved of by the pope, with many commendations upon his zeal and piety. At this time he narrowly escaped assassination from an Arabian youth whom he had taken into his service. Raymond had prayed to God, in some of his accesses of fanaticism, that he might suffer martyrdom in his holy cause. His servant had overheard him: and, being as great a fanatic as his master, he resolved to gratify his wish, and punish him, at the same time, for the curses which he incessantly launched against Mahomet and all who believed in him, by stabbing him to the heart. He therefore aimed a blow at his master as he sat one day at table; but the instinct of self-preservation being stronger than the desire of martyrdom, Raymond grappled with his antagonist, and overthrew him. He scorned to take his life himself; but handed him over to the authorities of the town, by whom he was afterwards found dead in his prison.
After this adventure Raymond travelled to Paris, where he resided for some time, and made the acquaintance of Arnold de Villeneuve. From him he probably received some encouragement to search for the philosopher’s stone, as he began from that time forth to devote less of his attention to religious matters, and more to the study of alchymy. Still he never lost sight of the great object for which he lived—the conversion of the Mahometans—and proceeded to Rome, to communicate personally with Pope John XXI. on the best measures to be adopted for that end. The Pope gave him encouragement in words, but failed to associate any other persons with him in the enterprise which he meditated. Raymond, therefore, set out for Tunis alone, and was kindly received by many Arabian philosophers, who had heard of his fame as a professor of alchymy. If he had stuck to alchymy while in their country, it would have been well for him; but he began cursing Mahomet, and got himself into trouble. While preaching the doctrines of Christianity in the great bazaar of Tunis, he was arrested and thrown into prison. He was shortly afterwards brought to trial, and sentenced to death. Some of his philosophic friends interceded hard for him, and he was pardoned upon condition that he left Africa immediately and never again set foot in it. If he was found there again, no matter what his object might be, or whatever length of time might intervene, his original sentence would be carried into execution. Raymond was not at all solicitous of martyrdom when it came to the point, whatever he might have been when there was no danger, and he gladly accepted his life upon these conditions, and left Tunis with the intention of proceeding to Rome. He afterwards changed his plan, and established himself at Milan, where, for a length of time, he practised alchymy, and some say astrology, with great success.